Blogging Through It

I have been blogging a lot lately, mostly to help me process whats been going on in our life. Its no big secret that we have suffered an emotional and physical loss and its certainly not hidden how I have felt about it. I have felt the need to blog about things just so I could process my emotions. Its easier and certainly less costly than seeing a therapist. Let me first of all just state that I'm by no stretch of the imagination against seeing a counselor, but for this I have felt that I could get through it with the support of my friends and family. I felt that by going to a therapist I would be wasting their time and resources when there were others that needed the help much more than myself. I have been in counseling enough to know that working through pain takes time and healing will not happen over night.

I have truly felt as though my blogging has helped me to process life in a way that few can do on their own. It has also allowed me to talk candidly about the life changes that have been occurring over the last six months. It has given me a voice and an a way to share with you my faith that by no uncertain terms has been tested. It is a struggle to be a Christian and Satin has a way of attacking us at our weakest. Its painful, but I am learning I am far stronger than I ever thought I was. I am learning to walk in a manner that is strong and pleasing to God.

I also want people to know that its okay to talk to me about what is going on in life. I have been blessed to have a few friends that have experienced similar events and they have talked openly to me about the struggles they have faced. They know the importance of talking to someone. Talking about it is what gets me through the day. Of course I am going to have difficult days, but truth be told those are the days I need my friends the most. So please don't be afraid to ask me how I am doing. Don't be scared to tell me you love me, and by all means please do not hold back.

How to make an American Quilt

Last night I watched a movie called "How to Make an American Quilt" about a young lady who goes to stay with her grandmother for the summer while writing her master's thesis. The premise of the movie is based around six older women and the construction of a "love quilt." Each block of the quilt was designed to represent what each woman viewed as love. The blocks ranged from flowers to a diving board.

This story got me thinking about my family and friends. What would their interpretation of love be? I know that mine would be a chapel, not just because of the fact that it represents my faith, but also because a chapel was the place I married David. Its where our story began. We met at a place of faith, married at a place of faith, and made a promise before God and our family that we would continue to carry on that faith to our new family. A chapel is not only symbolic, but important to us.

Each of us has a story to tell, and though I did not agree with the story these women told, it was in fact a story that so many of us can relate with. Love is a powerful emotion, something that binds parents to children, husbands to wives, and friends together for life. Love is honest, pure, and passionate. Love when embraced can heal a wounded heart and restore a broken relationship. With every fiber of my being I believe that love is what keeps me going. Not just the love of my partner, but of a heavenly father who desires nothing but the very best for me.

How to make an American Quilt also got me thinking about my relationship with my husband. How do I want others to see it? I know that my husband makes me a better person. He challenges me to examine the areas of my life that I can not see. He challenges me to change the negative aspects of my character. David and I strive to have the type of marriage that others can look at and say "In fifty years I hope my marriage is just like yours!" I look at both of our parents and feel that I want to have the kind of relationship with my spouse that they have with theirs. It takes a lot of hard work, determination, communication, and forgiveness to have a marriage like that, but its something I pray we will hold on to.

A picture is Worth a 1000 words

We spent the weekend with David's parents and it was a wonderful time for everyone. I have been very blessed not to have in-laws that are the stereotypical parents. I love them very much and we always have a good time when we get together. The only regret I have for this weekend was not taking any photos!

We've all heard the phrase "A picture is worth a thousand words" and I believe this to be true. Pictures catch a moment in time, a memory if you will. There comes a time when those memories are all we have to hang onto and hope for a time when we can experience those feelings again. Sometimes those feelings can not be obtained again, and we have to come to terms and accept that those moments will never be relived.I say this not to depress you, but it is very much the truth.

I have been thinking about my grandfather a lot in the last couple of days, longing for those special moments we shared together. I realize those special moments can not be relived, but I still miss him never the less. We were special to him, and he was special to us. He was constantly taking pictures and it is those pictures I love so dearly. Not just because he took them, but because they capture a moment in time. Moments that are so dear to us.

I guess that's why I take photos so often, I love capturing moments. I want my family to look back at these photos one day and see how incredibly special they were to me. I want my family to know that I love them and that the time we spend together is important to me.