Today is the day my grandmother goes to Indy to find out what is going to happen concerning a potential treatment she is seeking for her cancer. I find myself praying a lot more lately, and maybe its a change in me, or maybe its a change in circumstances, it my conversations with God seem to me more frequent. I find myself laying in bed at night asking God to bless our family, to heal my grandmother, to mend broken hearts and to ease my anxieties about becoming a mother. I find myself getting frustrated and praying, asking God about what is going to happen next.
I wouldn't be honest with you if I didn't say that I am also very frightened by facing the challenges that I am about to. I am facing becoming a mother, and that is no small task. I am constantly fearful that the baby isn't okay and that something will be wrong with him/her. I am finding myself praying to God for peace of mind daily and asking him to grant me peace during this transition. I am also fearful about hte fate that my grandmother may be facing. I think about the fact that I feel she has gotten a raw deal and that I am often angry about it.
In all of these fears and anxieties I am finding peace and comfort in knowing that God has ultimate control over everything and that he has granted me the peace I so desire when I ask him for it. I don't understand it, and I probably never will, but he is there for me when I need him the absolute most. I thank him for the peace and I thank him for his love that carries me through even in the most difficult of times.
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