Two Weeks and Eight States

To say I have been on a whirlwind trip in the last two weeks is an understatement! Poor Alexandra and I have had no semblance of a schedule since we left to visit family and once we became settled somewhere we were uprooted to the next location! But I wouldn't take back these two weeks for a thing!

My adventures started off by heading up to Virginia to stay with David's parents for one night. From there I traveled to see my parents for two days where they spent time doting over Alexandra. Jacob held her for the first time and instantly fell in love. What's not to love about our sweet baby girl though?! He smiled at her and played with her on the floor. He even gave her a bottle! I'm so proud of Jake for how well he handled holding a newborn!

Josh (my brother) also got to spend some time with her. We went to his place for dinner and he made chili for everyone and spent some time bonding with his new niece. He too fell instantly in love with her and had quite the conversation with her. :-) I met my brother's roommate John and he seemed like a really nice young man. I'm so proud of the man my brother is turning into and I can't believe that just a few years ago he still lived at home!

After visiting my parents we went back to stay with David's mom and dad. Matt surprised us and showed up for a short visit to meet his new niece. He held her and it was also fun to see his reaction to her. He was a natural!

Frank and Brenda got to see Alexandra attempt to roll over several times and it was fun to watch them encourage her to conquer this big milestone! They both, like my parents, are very much in love with her and we had a great visit with them too. We got to take her to David's home church and show her off to all of the people David knew from his childhood as well as some of Brenda's co-workers. Alexandra also got some bonding time with her grandpa while I got a few moments away from her to go shopping for my best friend who is having a baby in December.

After spending time with David's parents I went back to my mom and dad's for a day. Jake got to spend a little more time with Alexandra and then we headed off to Indiana to spend a week with my grandparents. Boy was that a fun experience! Both of my grandmas got to spend time with her and as I thought, they fell in love with her! My Grandma Wlodarski took my shopping for my birthday and helped me on the great mission to find a nursing bra! (That story is to be saved for another time) We had little success with the nursing bra, but my Grandma Warren finally helped me track one down! Thank the LORD! No more messing with pulling off and pulling on straps!

Grandma Warren and I also went shopping one day for some clothes with long sleeves for Alexandra. The weather turned cooler than I had predicted and I needed more long pants and long sleeved clothes for the baby since I knew it was going to be chilly the remainder of my time there. I found a few things on clearance at Sears that were WAY big, but I bought them anyway. I figured I could wrap them up and give them to her for Christmas. :-) Grandma also bought Alexandra a few outfits as well and she enjoyed spoiling her!

We also spent one day going to visit my Aunt Barb's house that is being built by Habitat For Humanity. It looks great! She gave me an awesome blanket she made for Alexandra (its big enough that I could wrap myself in it!) and some other baby related items as well. That evening I went to see my cousin Whitney play volleyball and I had a lot of great memories come back to me! My goodness it has been a long time since I watched a volleyball game, or played one for that matter! They did pretty well and I'm proud of her for playing her first game! :-D

Where has the time gone?

Saturday our little girl will be two months old. She is growing quickly and learning new things everyday. In a way this makes me smile because I know I'm doing a great job raising her and teaching her. In some ways it makes me sad. I have been thinking a lot the last couple days about how my family and friends have warned me that I will miss this season of Alexandra's life. Oh how I only wish it were not true! Gone are the days where I feel overwhelmed caring for this little life. Gone are the moments of peace and quiet. Most sadly, gone are the moments of blissfulness while holding my new child. All has been replaced by a routine, moments of loud coos, smiles, and little wiggles.

There is nothing more I love than saying "This is my daughter." I love looking at my husband and thanking God for the union that he created leading to this precious life. She is beautiful and she is OURS to teach and direct. I love seeing her smile at her Daddy and look at the world full of wonder. Its beautiful.

In the last month I have come to appreciate the role of my heavenly father far more than I ever thought possible. I look at my child full of love and am reminded how my God looks at ME with that same kind of love. I think about how in a few months we will be asked as parents to take on the roles of disciplinarian and how God is my teacher. I see how he loves me in such a way that only a parent could understand.

I look forward to her third month and seeing all of the exciting things she will learn in this next month. I find myself asking "What will I learn?" and "How can I teach her?" I want to be the best mommy I can possibly be. I want to teach her and let her grow to be a strong young woman. I'm sure that in the end of this coming month I will also look back with the same love and sadness that I have upon the last two months.

The Joys of Motherhood

Wednesday is a milestone for our little family! Alexandra will be a month old! How excited am I?! A lot, but there is also a large part of me that is sad to have seen this first month go by so quickly. I LOVE motherhood. Its everything I thought it would be and more. I have taken to it like a fish to water. Its something I have ALWAYS wanted and now that she is here with us, making our family that much more complete, I can't imagine it in any other way. I look at her, and though we have had a few minor setbacks in the beginning, she is beautiful and perfect to me. I love her more than I ever thought possible. I understand a parents love a lot more thoroughly now that I have become a mother.

That being said I have also seen a side to my husband that warms my heart. I have seen him grow up a lot and at the same time revisit his childhood. Its an aspect of him that I have not experienced before and it makes me smile. He is so gentle with our daughter and instead of tuning her out (like some new fathers do) he finds the joy in spending time with her. He has even creatively found a way to spend time with her while doing the things he loves. (Here you see him playing a video game with Alex on his lap. I know the photo is dark, but I HAD to share it)


I have learned that with a baby in the house, its not unusual to be spit up on or pooped on at some point during the day. I have also learned that sleep is a valuable commodity and when you can grab some, DO IT! I have also learned that my formally quiet home is no longer quiet! Never in my life did I think for once I would value a little quiet, but boy am I missing it now! (I say this as I just finished soothing a very fussy hungry baby who was screaming....) I also have learned that MY world is no longer MY world. It now revolves around diaper changes, bath time, feedings, sleep time, and laundry. My word the amount of laundry a little baby can make amazes me! I don't mind though, its all for her.

I have also learned in this past month that sneaking in quiet time with my husband is going to be tricky! Just about the time we sit on the couch to watch a movie or I snuggle in beside him to have one of our formally long talks.... she starts crying. I usually laugh, look at David and say "Our daughter has impeccable timing!" Something as simple as sitting down to eat a meal together has become more tricky. Now life involves balancing a baby on my lap, a fork in my hand and trying to eat without spilling on her! I laughed to myself this evening when attempting to cook dinner the baby started crying. "My fault"I thought, "I should have looked at the clock!" She was due for a feeding and I didn't realize it when I put dinner in the oven. Thankfully David was home and he was able to assist me in getting it out of the oven with out it burning! I have also learned through all of this that we work really well as a team. When I get discouraged, he is there to encourage me to keep at it. When he feels frustrated, I am there to help him out. We work together, even when we have our differences in how things should be done.

I have also started to realize that I can't always have things my way. Sometimes I am DEAD wrong and I have been forced to eat a few pieces of humble pie in the last four weeks. Its okay. I am only human after all. In realizing this I have been forced to laugh at myself. I'm finding out really quickly that if you don't have a sense of humor about kids, life is going to be PRETTY miserable. Its okay though, being a mom is what I want and what I feel I will be good at. I'm not good at school, I'm not that great at any one particular skill, but what I AM good at is nurturing. I always have been. And with that being said I have found the Joys of Motherhood. Its very special. Its a gift we waited a long time for and one we had a lot of heart ache to get to. We love our little girl and we are proud to call ourselves her parents. She is our joy and I know one day she will do great things. I don't care what those things are, only that they will be great. God has blessed us with her and we pray deeply that she will know the love we have for her is only a fraction of what God feels for her. Its unconditional and its forever. :-)

Baby Alexandra Danielle

A week and a half ago today our world was totally changed! Allie was born June 27, 2011 at 9:57pm via c-section. What a crazy ride it was!! What started out as a routine induction turned to a c-section pretty fast. My labor failed to progress beyond 4cm and the doctor felt that I had stalled enough that I would not progress on my own with out harming myself or baby Allie. Words can not describe how frustrated, upset, and disappointed I was to have to have a quick surgery that I was not planning on. Looking back, if I knew what I know now, I would have NEVER done the induction, but given the information that my doctor told me, I thought I was doing what was best for our baby and for myself. (Perhaps I should back up and explain a little bit)

A week before the baby was scheduled to come my doctor and I met for a routine appointment. She felt that my placenta was failing and that baby was much larger than she actually was (the doctors were estimating her to be about 8lbs). In her opinion (and in mine) it was time to get the baby out. I could buy about a weeks worth of time, but that was about it without running the risk of the placenta detaching and causing a whole number of problems. We scheduled the induction and the date was set. Mom came down to help us prepare the house in the days following her birth and to offer support to myself and David during the delivery. At 12 am on June 27 I went in for the induction (stupid hour of the day!) and began pitocin as well as antibiotics for group b strep (a common bacteria in moms). After about 16hrs of labor, 12 of them after my water broke, the doctor on call brought the choice to us to have a c-section or wait a little longer, as I was not in danger, nor was Allie. We decided to give it one more go, but my body just wouldn't cooperate.

I was so disappointed and I cried knowing that my birthplan just didn't get to happen. I was taken back to the operating room where they prepped me for surgery. I kept asking for David, as I was so scared about what was happening and all I wanted was my husband to comfort me while I waited for Ale to get here. I kept shaking from the medicine and they brought David in (the anesthesiologist kept me calm in the mean time by talking to me and reassuring me we were both okay). David sat beside my head and talked to me to keep me calm until Ale was out. From there its all a blur and I don't remember much until the next day. I was so exhausted that once they put the medications in to help with the pain I pretty much slept. I'm grateful now that Ale is safe and here with us, but I wish it had gone a little differently. Nothing changes the outcome though and I am happy to have my beautiful daughter here.

Its HERE!

I must first apologize to the ones I love who read this blog and have been checking to see if I have updated recently, I must say I have been quite lazy about getting into town to put updates online. That being said, our happy little home is doing well! :-)

David and I found out in February that we are expecting a little girl and I couldn't be more thrilled (he is too)! We have chosen the name Alexandra Danielle. When we chose her name we wanted it to have a special meaning that held significance for us as parents and also for what we believe in. Alexandra means "defender of man kind" and Danielle means "God is my Judge." Danielle also holds an extra special place in my heart as it is the feminine form of my late grandfather's name.

We have set up the nursery and started all of the major prep work for baby to get here. When we went to the doctor last Wednesday Alex was head down and had dropped a bit. (Scary!!!) The alarm bells of the mother of all instincts have been triggered (nesting) and panic mode has started to set in about the prospect of being a parent very soon! Though I can't say this isn't something I have wanted for a long time (heck if we're honest I wanted to be a mother within a few short months of getting married) I can also honestly say that I am scared silly about being responsible for something so small and helpless. I sometimes find myself looking at my growing belly and thinking "Are you nuts?! You might ruin this precious little girl!"

Admittedly I have always been made to be a mother, I've known this fact for years, but nothing can ever prepare you for the harsh reality of becoming a parent. I'm scared in so many ways that I can hardly express them all. I never knew what I was ACTUALLY getting myself into, but I do know that I love our little girl more than anything I ever thought possible. She is the most precious gift and as I grow and prepare to become a mother my love for her and for my husband grows daily.

Prayer

Today is the day my grandmother goes to Indy to find out what is going to happen concerning a potential treatment she is seeking for her cancer. I find myself praying a lot more lately, and maybe its a change in me, or maybe its a change in circumstances, it my conversations with God seem to me more frequent. I find myself laying in bed at night asking God to bless our family, to heal my grandmother, to mend broken hearts and to ease my anxieties about becoming a mother. I find myself getting frustrated and praying, asking God about what is going to happen next.

I wouldn't be honest with you if I didn't say that I am also very frightened by facing the challenges that I am about to. I am facing becoming a mother, and that is no small task. I am constantly fearful that the baby isn't okay and that something will be wrong with him/her. I am finding myself praying to God for peace of mind daily and asking him to grant me peace during this transition. I am also fearful about hte fate that my grandmother may be facing. I think about the fact that I feel she has gotten a raw deal and that I am often angry about it.

In all of these fears and anxieties I am finding peace and comfort in knowing that God has ultimate control over everything and that he has granted me the peace I so desire when I ask him for it. I don't understand it, and I probably never will, but he is there for me when I need him the absolute most. I thank him for the peace and I thank him for his love that carries me through even in the most difficult of times.

UGH!

This week seems to have dragged on forever! I feel as though I have been living in fast foward and slow motion at the same time. Thats the best way I can describe it. Monday is the big day that we find out what my grandma is going to do about her cancer. (for those of you that don't know it has returned) and we are praying that she makes the right choice and doesn't choose something that will lead to much pain and suffering for us all. We know the reality of what she is facing is bad, really bad, and that the truth is there probably isn't much hope. It makes me sad and it makes me angry all at the same time.

On the heels of this worry we also found out that a dear friend of ours suddenly lost his father on Tuesday evening. Our hearts are broken for him and his family. I know personally the heartache of a sudden loss of someone that you love very much and how hard it can be to cope with the emotions that come along with that heartache. We have been praying for his family that God will comfort them and give them peace in this most difficult time. We know that tears will be abundant and that thier hearts will hurt for many years to come.

On the opposite side of the coin we have experienced continued joy over our child. It is growing and moving about like crazy. We love feeling the joy that comes along with starting a family of our own. Its an experiencs that I am happy to enjoy for th time being. I, unlike many women, enjoy being pregnant and find the changes that my body is going through to be fun. I find that with each day my love for my child grows greatly and I find myself dreaming about the future of our family. I find that my husband is changing and finding the joy in our growing family as well. I'm so proud of him and how excited he is to be a father. I am truly blessed to have a partner that has found the joy and excitment in becoming a father.