Today is the day my grandmother goes to Indy to find out what is going to happen concerning a potential treatment she is seeking for her cancer. I find myself praying a lot more lately, and maybe its a change in me, or maybe its a change in circumstances, it my conversations with God seem to me more frequent. I find myself laying in bed at night asking God to bless our family, to heal my grandmother, to mend broken hearts and to ease my anxieties about becoming a mother. I find myself getting frustrated and praying, asking God about what is going to happen next.
I wouldn't be honest with you if I didn't say that I am also very frightened by facing the challenges that I am about to. I am facing becoming a mother, and that is no small task. I am constantly fearful that the baby isn't okay and that something will be wrong with him/her. I am finding myself praying to God for peace of mind daily and asking him to grant me peace during this transition. I am also fearful about hte fate that my grandmother may be facing. I think about the fact that I feel she has gotten a raw deal and that I am often angry about it.
In all of these fears and anxieties I am finding peace and comfort in knowing that God has ultimate control over everything and that he has granted me the peace I so desire when I ask him for it. I don't understand it, and I probably never will, but he is there for me when I need him the absolute most. I thank him for the peace and I thank him for his love that carries me through even in the most difficult of times.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
UGH!
This week seems to have dragged on forever! I feel as though I have been living in fast foward and slow motion at the same time. Thats the best way I can describe it. Monday is the big day that we find out what my grandma is going to do about her cancer. (for those of you that don't know it has returned) and we are praying that she makes the right choice and doesn't choose something that will lead to much pain and suffering for us all. We know the reality of what she is facing is bad, really bad, and that the truth is there probably isn't much hope. It makes me sad and it makes me angry all at the same time.
On the heels of this worry we also found out that a dear friend of ours suddenly lost his father on Tuesday evening. Our hearts are broken for him and his family. I know personally the heartache of a sudden loss of someone that you love very much and how hard it can be to cope with the emotions that come along with that heartache. We have been praying for his family that God will comfort them and give them peace in this most difficult time. We know that tears will be abundant and that thier hearts will hurt for many years to come.
On the opposite side of the coin we have experienced continued joy over our child. It is growing and moving about like crazy. We love feeling the joy that comes along with starting a family of our own. Its an experiencs that I am happy to enjoy for th time being. I, unlike many women, enjoy being pregnant and find the changes that my body is going through to be fun. I find that with each day my love for my child grows greatly and I find myself dreaming about the future of our family. I find that my husband is changing and finding the joy in our growing family as well. I'm so proud of him and how excited he is to be a father. I am truly blessed to have a partner that has found the joy and excitment in becoming a father.
On the heels of this worry we also found out that a dear friend of ours suddenly lost his father on Tuesday evening. Our hearts are broken for him and his family. I know personally the heartache of a sudden loss of someone that you love very much and how hard it can be to cope with the emotions that come along with that heartache. We have been praying for his family that God will comfort them and give them peace in this most difficult time. We know that tears will be abundant and that thier hearts will hurt for many years to come.
On the opposite side of the coin we have experienced continued joy over our child. It is growing and moving about like crazy. We love feeling the joy that comes along with starting a family of our own. Its an experiencs that I am happy to enjoy for th time being. I, unlike many women, enjoy being pregnant and find the changes that my body is going through to be fun. I find that with each day my love for my child grows greatly and I find myself dreaming about the future of our family. I find that my husband is changing and finding the joy in our growing family as well. I'm so proud of him and how excited he is to be a father. I am truly blessed to have a partner that has found the joy and excitment in becoming a father.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Why I chose to cloth Diaper
So I have been getting many questions from people about why I have chosen to cloth diaper since I put up a status on Facebook asking people some questions concerning cloth diapering. I know some of you are looking at me thinking I'm totally crazy, and that's okay. Before you ask though, and jump to conclusions about cloth diapering, hear me out about why I chose this alternative.
1. COST
Yes, I'm aware that the upfront cost of cloth diapers are expensive, but in the long run cloth diapers are far less expensive. Lets break down the cost of a box of diapers per day including diapers, disposal, and cleanup. 14.97 for the box of diapers that roughly will last you 5 days plus 1.35 for a .09 tax rate (according to Tennessee) lets assume that you need to buy another box so add 3.26/ day onto that total. That brings the total for diapers alone for one week to 22.85. Wipes are an additional 6.50/week (assuming you use a lot of wipes, this is one box) and tax on those wipes are 0.59, bring your total for wipes per week to 7.09. Disposal is another issue, so lets tack on about 2.00 (this is conservative and based on a guess/ day cost). The total cost to diaper a child for a week is 31.94.
As you can see from the above caluclations (using generic brand diapers from Wal-Mart and assuming you child has no allergies) that the cost to diaper a child is expensive. Now lets look at the cost of cloth diapers. The start up cost for cloth diapers (the fancy, adjustable kind) is 237 for 18 diapers. Tax is 21.33 on 18 diapers, bringing the total up to 258.33. Now lets divide this by 30 and we get 8.61 for an average month to diaper your child. Remember, that as time goes on, the cost per day does decreases, as you are using the diapers over and over again. For a 96 oz container of All Free and Clear it costs 12.00 plus 1.08 for tax making it cost 0.14 per oz. A small load of laundry takes 1 oz of this liquid, so this brings the total up to 4.09/ month to wash one load a day. For 28.36/ month for wipes (using above calculations). So for a total of 41.06 a month you can diaper a child. that sure is a heck of a lot of savings!
2. Safety
Research has shown that the stuff inside disposable diapers that make them extremely toxic to children and pets. I have two dogs. Odin has a nasty habit of getting into the trash if something smells intersting or he has never smelled before. The last thing I want to do is be running my dog to the vet in the middle of the night because he has swallowed the stuff from inside of a diaper by chewing it up. Not to mention the tabs have been known to cause choking in children and pets. Call me paranoid, but you can never be too careful.
3. Enviromental impact
Some would say this is silly, but my diapers and child's waste will not be sitting in a landfill. Instead it can be sent to a waste water treatment plant and keep those nasty chemicals from leaching into the land.
4. They are healthier
Reusuable diapers have a lower instance of diaper rash as well as allergic reactions. Knowing what I know about my husband and myself, skin allergies will potentially be a big problem. Both of us have allergies and this seemed like a good way to avoid this problem.
So as you can see it was a pretty simple choice for me. Yes there are cons too, and as I have said on multiple times, I am not going to be a diaper snob. If someone gives me dispoable diapers I will use them. I'll be very greatful for the gift and be happy to use them. I am also practicle about diapers and know that there will be sometimes that I will have to use disposable diapers (traveling, church, when I run out of cloth) and know that flexiblity is important in parenting an infant. I have to do whats best for my child and this is what I felt was best for mine. Again I know there are people out there that don't always agree with it, and think its silly, but the pros far outweighed the cons. Its something I have thought through and have researched a lot.
I also know there will be some people out there that will feel the need to try and convince me that what we have decided is silly, and maybe even stupid to them, but I ask you to consider it from my standpoint. At the very least if you have questions, just research it a little bit more and learn about cloth diapering, you might be surprised about what you can learn. And you might be surprised to learn that its not as difficult as it once was. :-)
1. COST
Yes, I'm aware that the upfront cost of cloth diapers are expensive, but in the long run cloth diapers are far less expensive. Lets break down the cost of a box of diapers per day including diapers, disposal, and cleanup. 14.97 for the box of diapers that roughly will last you 5 days plus 1.35 for a .09 tax rate (according to Tennessee) lets assume that you need to buy another box so add 3.26/ day onto that total. That brings the total for diapers alone for one week to 22.85. Wipes are an additional 6.50/week (assuming you use a lot of wipes, this is one box) and tax on those wipes are 0.59, bring your total for wipes per week to 7.09. Disposal is another issue, so lets tack on about 2.00 (this is conservative and based on a guess/ day cost). The total cost to diaper a child for a week is 31.94.
As you can see from the above caluclations (using generic brand diapers from Wal-Mart and assuming you child has no allergies) that the cost to diaper a child is expensive. Now lets look at the cost of cloth diapers. The start up cost for cloth diapers (the fancy, adjustable kind) is 237 for 18 diapers. Tax is 21.33 on 18 diapers, bringing the total up to 258.33. Now lets divide this by 30 and we get 8.61 for an average month to diaper your child. Remember, that as time goes on, the cost per day does decreases, as you are using the diapers over and over again. For a 96 oz container of All Free and Clear it costs 12.00 plus 1.08 for tax making it cost 0.14 per oz. A small load of laundry takes 1 oz of this liquid, so this brings the total up to 4.09/ month to wash one load a day. For 28.36/ month for wipes (using above calculations). So for a total of 41.06 a month you can diaper a child. that sure is a heck of a lot of savings!
2. Safety
Research has shown that the stuff inside disposable diapers that make them extremely toxic to children and pets. I have two dogs. Odin has a nasty habit of getting into the trash if something smells intersting or he has never smelled before. The last thing I want to do is be running my dog to the vet in the middle of the night because he has swallowed the stuff from inside of a diaper by chewing it up. Not to mention the tabs have been known to cause choking in children and pets. Call me paranoid, but you can never be too careful.
3. Enviromental impact
Some would say this is silly, but my diapers and child's waste will not be sitting in a landfill. Instead it can be sent to a waste water treatment plant and keep those nasty chemicals from leaching into the land.
4. They are healthier
Reusuable diapers have a lower instance of diaper rash as well as allergic reactions. Knowing what I know about my husband and myself, skin allergies will potentially be a big problem. Both of us have allergies and this seemed like a good way to avoid this problem.
So as you can see it was a pretty simple choice for me. Yes there are cons too, and as I have said on multiple times, I am not going to be a diaper snob. If someone gives me dispoable diapers I will use them. I'll be very greatful for the gift and be happy to use them. I am also practicle about diapers and know that there will be sometimes that I will have to use disposable diapers (traveling, church, when I run out of cloth) and know that flexiblity is important in parenting an infant. I have to do whats best for my child and this is what I felt was best for mine. Again I know there are people out there that don't always agree with it, and think its silly, but the pros far outweighed the cons. Its something I have thought through and have researched a lot.
I also know there will be some people out there that will feel the need to try and convince me that what we have decided is silly, and maybe even stupid to them, but I ask you to consider it from my standpoint. At the very least if you have questions, just research it a little bit more and learn about cloth diapering, you might be surprised about what you can learn. And you might be surprised to learn that its not as difficult as it once was. :-)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The wonderful world of everything Pregnancy
So tomorrow is our 17 week checkup and ultrasound. Im of course excited and nervous to see our little one again and I can't wait to see if we will be able to see the sex. I have been feeling funny little "twitches" and movements in my lower abdomen for the last couple of weeks that I have been uncertain weather or not it was our little one. Finally felt not long ago the first real belly burning kick of this pregnancy. It was pretty exciting to feel that little movement that was by no uncertain terms gas or something digesting. Finally the first signs of life that I could actually experience first hand and it was something that I can not even begin to describe. I feel such and intense love and connection to this child that words can not even describe, and the crazy thing is I know it will grow even more when the baby gets here. I love knowing that my body is growing a little person.
Of course with pregnancy there are things that people don't tell you about. I never realized how glamourized being pregnant has been made by Hollywood, and now that I know some of the truth (though I admit I have a heck of a lot more to learn!), I find myself becoming annoyed by the protrayal of pregnancy in movies and books. Its really fun for me, but I believe that its fun primarily because I am in the middle of it. What people don't tell you about being pregnant is that your back aches all of the time. They don't tell you that your hips will hurt and that there WILL be some form of cramping that feels a lot like a really hard work out. (Makes sense though, you're growing something the size of a watermelon in something that is orignally the size of a tangerine!) They don't tell you that your nose will most likely run, your gums will bleed and for some you may be feeling as though you have the flu all of the time!
Of course for those of you that have had babies, you understand fully what I am talking about, but men just don't seem to get it. My husband, bless his heart, constantly askes me "Are you okay?!" when I say ouch or any other express of discomfort. I have to constantly remind him, that yes I am perfectly okay, this is normal and just because I stub my toe and say ow, does not mean you have to come running from across the other side of the house. To David's credit, he also is the grounding factor when I start to fret over little things like a cramp in my belly or the lack of movement for a few hours. He calmly looks at me and reminds me that everything is fine and I am just experiencing a normal pain.
I am seeing myself transforming from a once extremely disorganized person, into someone who is obessed with being prepared. I lay my hands on as much research as I can get about child birth, pregnancy, and parenting. I constantly ask my mom about her experiences with pregnancy, so that I may be even slightly prepared for that scary process. I also find myself conversing with my friends who are experiencing pregnancy at the same time. I find the differences in our doctors among other things. I also am finding myself writing everything on the calander, something I NEVER had a habit of before becoming pregnant. I find that as I become more pregnant, the more forgetful I become, and if I don't write it down where I can find it quickly, it WILL be forgotten, and then I'm upset with myself.
Speaking of becoming upset with oneself, I am the most weepy person I have ever met! If I see a commercial that makes me even a little homesick, sad or even happy I am reaching for the tissue box. I do a pretty good job of keeping these extreme emotions in check in public, but alas sometimes it just fails to be held back. Last night I cried for a little bit because the salad I was having had blue cheese on it (a no no in pregnancy) and I was suddenly turned off to it because I couldn't pick off all of the cheese. I was so sad about my lost salad that I cried. Of course I got over it pretty quick, but its a great example.
Of course with pregnancy there are things that people don't tell you about. I never realized how glamourized being pregnant has been made by Hollywood, and now that I know some of the truth (though I admit I have a heck of a lot more to learn!), I find myself becoming annoyed by the protrayal of pregnancy in movies and books. Its really fun for me, but I believe that its fun primarily because I am in the middle of it. What people don't tell you about being pregnant is that your back aches all of the time. They don't tell you that your hips will hurt and that there WILL be some form of cramping that feels a lot like a really hard work out. (Makes sense though, you're growing something the size of a watermelon in something that is orignally the size of a tangerine!) They don't tell you that your nose will most likely run, your gums will bleed and for some you may be feeling as though you have the flu all of the time!
Of course for those of you that have had babies, you understand fully what I am talking about, but men just don't seem to get it. My husband, bless his heart, constantly askes me "Are you okay?!" when I say ouch or any other express of discomfort. I have to constantly remind him, that yes I am perfectly okay, this is normal and just because I stub my toe and say ow, does not mean you have to come running from across the other side of the house. To David's credit, he also is the grounding factor when I start to fret over little things like a cramp in my belly or the lack of movement for a few hours. He calmly looks at me and reminds me that everything is fine and I am just experiencing a normal pain.
I am seeing myself transforming from a once extremely disorganized person, into someone who is obessed with being prepared. I lay my hands on as much research as I can get about child birth, pregnancy, and parenting. I constantly ask my mom about her experiences with pregnancy, so that I may be even slightly prepared for that scary process. I also find myself conversing with my friends who are experiencing pregnancy at the same time. I find the differences in our doctors among other things. I also am finding myself writing everything on the calander, something I NEVER had a habit of before becoming pregnant. I find that as I become more pregnant, the more forgetful I become, and if I don't write it down where I can find it quickly, it WILL be forgotten, and then I'm upset with myself.
Speaking of becoming upset with oneself, I am the most weepy person I have ever met! If I see a commercial that makes me even a little homesick, sad or even happy I am reaching for the tissue box. I do a pretty good job of keeping these extreme emotions in check in public, but alas sometimes it just fails to be held back. Last night I cried for a little bit because the salad I was having had blue cheese on it (a no no in pregnancy) and I was suddenly turned off to it because I couldn't pick off all of the cheese. I was so sad about my lost salad that I cried. Of course I got over it pretty quick, but its a great example.
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