To say I am disappointed in my fellow Christians is an understatement. When did voting become an issue of salvation? Last time I checked the Bible is pretty mute on this subject. Yes, I DO believe as Christians it is our duty to vote, but also believe this of ALL Americans, not JUST the Christian population. I believe that it is our job to choose who will do the best job serving ALL of the people in this country. I make no pledges to one particular political party. Both parties in my opinion have pros and cons, and this post will NOT be about who I feel fits the bill for president.
What I am going to say is that I do not always agree with my fellow believers who vote straight ticket Republican/Democratic. That is just silly in my opinion. We are given choices in the country for a reason. Our duty is to choose whom we think will do the best job at protecting our rights, affording rights to its citizens, and working to keep (and in some cases restore) our country as wonderful as it has been. Our country was established to give the rights to its people, and as such I have the right to think differently than someone else might think. It doesn't make me a bad person, and it does not make me a bad Christian.
Now there are some issues in this election that I simply can not look past. I am pro-life, I always have been and always will be. I believe life starts at conception, but the abortion issue is not going to vanish in this country. Lets face it, not all people in this country believe in abstinence and it breaks my heart to say this, but if we want to solve one of our biggest abortion issues, for those who are sexually active we NEED to provide them with accurate information. This means teaching young ladies how to use contraception appropriately and allowing access to affordable birth control for the low income individuals who need it. Boys should be taught the proper way to use a condom to prevent the spread of many of the diseases and girls should be taught how to stop for a moment to make sure their partners are USING protection in addition to birth control. Many unwanted pregnancies would be prevented this way.
Many of my fellow Christians would not agree with my stance on this issue. Instead of looking at the facts, they choose to blindly ignore sex in favor of teaching nothing but abstinence. Now don't get me wrong, I intend to teach my child abstinence, but ALSO intend to inform her so that she knows ALL of her options. I believe that turning a blind eye to the issue and lack of education only perpetuates the situation, leading to more children who grow up in poverty and often times in situations that can be delicate at best. After all Jesus hung out with prostitutes, so he knew how to love those who had sex outside of marriage too.
Now I'm not saying I'm perfect, heck at this time I am considered to be in the poverty level and have one child and another on the way. That being said, I work hard to accept the responsibility I have been given and know the consequences of my actions. We both are working to better ourselves (in fact in just shy of two weeks I take my first of many classes with the end goal of being a Certified Practicing Midwife--- More on that later!!) and it shows. We are living on a tight budget, I stay at home with Alexandra to save money on child care (because it is DANG expensive) and we are saving like there is no tomorrow while paying off debt we have acquired over the last seven years. We live with David's parents to save money on housing, so that the money we WOULD be spending on rent is going to savings as well as debt. We have a tough road, but we got ourselves into this mess and intend to get ourselves out.
Now onto another issue with this election that, frankly, is going to piss some people off. I'm talking about the elephant in the room, gay marriage. Now we all know what I believe. My faith teaches that it is a sin to be gay, but I have gay "friends" and people I love who are gay, and to me it is no more sinful than looking at porn or adultry. Sin is sin in God's eyes, regardless, but I am not the one to make the judgement on their eternal well being. I am not qualified, nor do I want the job. I have my own crap that I judge myself on, and I'm frankly too busy to judge someone else on their stuff.
Now, religious beliefs out of the way, I have to say it is my opinion that they should be allowed to marry just as much as I am allowed to have married David. Frankly I think the government has no business in that either, its a PERSONAL and RELIGIOUS choice. Marriage in and of itself is a contract I believe to be made between a couple and their God. That being said, the government has gotten involved with straight couples and afforded us the rights to combine our finances, lives and property into one. Shouldn't gays be allowed that too? This is a question of basic human rights, not if it is right or wrong.
Finally the socialized medicine is an issue for me. Boy is THIS another hot button issue among Christians, probably just as much, if not more, than the the gay marriage issue. Again, I'm not saying agree with it. I don't want my taxes raised, especially on my loved ones who would REALLY be the ones paying for this, but I DO think that there needs to be something done about the state of our health care system. For example, insurance needs to be made affordable to all people. Perhaps a sliding scale? Another example, and one you most certainly will know I am passionate about, is unnecessary medical interventions, especially in the cases of birth. Women are not being given the rights to choose with whom and WHERE we want to birth our children and in many cases are stuck paying for a normal thing out of pocket. Tests are being preformed on healthy individuals because they are on medicare/medicaid and doctors know they can get more money that way. Even for people who have private insurance this is happening. Legislation needs to be made for these things to stop happening, and they only way I see that happening is if the people of American DEMAND change in the system.
I am not saying to vote for one particular candidate or the other. Honestly they both have pro's and con's in my opinion, but if I choose to vote differently from you, don't bash me or my belief system for it. Don't be hostile if I disagree with you and don't question my salvation. If there is one thing I have NEVER been more sure of, it is my eternal fate. For you simply to pronounce damnation on me because I see things DIFFERENTLY than you is wrong also. I love my God and I do my best to follow his teachings, but I also try to look at life practically, especially since having a child. Some of you are going to stand firm in what you say/feel and that is fine. YOU are given that RIGHT by the very Constitution that you hold so dear, but don't show hostility toward me because of what I believe to be right for my COUNTRY and ultimately my loved ones. And to those I have shown hostility toward in past elections, I say now that I am very sorry, it was a very unChrist-like attitude.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Infant Loss, SIDS, Miscarriage and Still Birth
Wow! Its been a while. I guess I only write when I have something I need to talk about or want to share. So here goes my two cents for the time being. I'm sure there will be other updates to follow.
October is Infant Loss, Still Birth, Miscarriage and SIDS awareness month. Yes I know it is also breast cancer awareness month, but what better time to be thinking about our children than when thinking about ways we can be caring for ourselves too? I have been thinking on this subject much more than normal. Namely because we are expecting again. Most of you don't know this, but David and I suffered another miscarriage in March. My heart was shattered to say the least. I couldn't function for about a week. Laying there on the couch after receiving the news that we were really going to be loosing another child I sobbed. I held my daughter close and I sobbed. My heart was broken in to a million pieces.
I love being a mom. It is my greatest joy in life. Having Alexandra has been the best blessing I could have ever asked for, but I was shattered when I found out I was loosing yet another baby. We shared with my parents after the fact. It was hard to say the least. Yes I knew I would be met with challenges having children so close in age, but there is a little part of your soul that dies when you loose a pregnancy. I can't explain it to anyone unless they themselves have been through it, but it feels as though you will never be whole again. It takes time, sometimes a long time, to feel like you are a normal human being and even longer to feel like your heart is starting to heal. I still feel a small whole seven months later. I have fretted worse over this pregnancy that I did with Alexandra. Every little pull, stretch, cramp, or odd sensation has made me wonder "Is everything still healthy?"
This brings me to why I am posting this blog post. Its about sharing with you the ups and downs of grief. Grief, especially over a child (no matter the length they were on this earth), is somewhat circular. It is all over the place. You may have a day or two where you feel like you did before your heart was broken, only to be blindsided with something that sets you down the path of tears, fear, or any number of emotions. You are never the same person again. Be it if your child died while you were pregnant, or in some accident you are NEVER the same person again.
Here is what you can do for a family (especially a woman) who has lost a baby. First, validate her feelings. Let her know it is okay to feel angry, sad, scared, depressed or even guilty. Women have an extra special connection to their children. We grow them inside of us, knowing them from essentially the moment of conception. Being a mother is a very intimate bond. This isn't to say that men can not have this feeling about their children, but it is a different kind of bond. Especially in my case, acknowledge that the pregnancy was real and that her feelings of loss are real. Don't ignore it, instead love the parents when they need it the most.
Second is something I briefly mentioned above. Acknowledged the loss. People want to know you are thinking about them and their children. We want to know that we are being prayed for, thought of, and taken care of. This applies to all aspects of loss, but especially in early pregnancy loss. I can honestly say that I had some horrible comments made to me after loosing a baby. Yes I didn't not get to feel my baby move or even hold them yet, but I still LOVED my child. I had dreams for them. When you loose a child, all of those dreams are dashed in an instant. You dream about their careers, their personalities, their hobbies, what you will teach them or what they will teach their children. You dream about every aspect of their life. When a child dies, it is very hard with the next one to have these dreams for them. You fear that they will be gone again, and sometimes when you let your guard down (as in my case) your dreams are once again shattered.
Finally, talk about it with the family. Offer to make them a meal or to do a load of laundry. Offer to walk their pets or to just sit with them for a while. Giving the family time to grieve in whatever way works for them helps them to accept what has happened and to get back to normal. I tried to get back to normal relatively quickly with my loss in March, but it also made things much more difficult. I was traveling within a few days of finding out. I had moments of forgetting while visiting with family, celebrating a wedding, and traveling, but I never stopped hurting. My daughter was my greatest comfort. She was my ray of sunshine in my darkest moments. My husband was my rock, hugging me when I needed it, calling to check in on me and just generally loving me the way I needed it.
I urge you if you have ever experienced a loss, no matter how old your child or family member was to find a project you can do to help you heal. Right now I am doing a project called capture your grief. You take photos of various things that are important to you. To say it has been healing would be an understatement. It has given me hope for this child. It has helped me to stay relaxed and it has helped me during a month I knew would be difficult. (Our due date was November 3) We love our babies, ALL of them and it has given me a chance to show that love for them.
October is Infant Loss, Still Birth, Miscarriage and SIDS awareness month. Yes I know it is also breast cancer awareness month, but what better time to be thinking about our children than when thinking about ways we can be caring for ourselves too? I have been thinking on this subject much more than normal. Namely because we are expecting again. Most of you don't know this, but David and I suffered another miscarriage in March. My heart was shattered to say the least. I couldn't function for about a week. Laying there on the couch after receiving the news that we were really going to be loosing another child I sobbed. I held my daughter close and I sobbed. My heart was broken in to a million pieces.
I love being a mom. It is my greatest joy in life. Having Alexandra has been the best blessing I could have ever asked for, but I was shattered when I found out I was loosing yet another baby. We shared with my parents after the fact. It was hard to say the least. Yes I knew I would be met with challenges having children so close in age, but there is a little part of your soul that dies when you loose a pregnancy. I can't explain it to anyone unless they themselves have been through it, but it feels as though you will never be whole again. It takes time, sometimes a long time, to feel like you are a normal human being and even longer to feel like your heart is starting to heal. I still feel a small whole seven months later. I have fretted worse over this pregnancy that I did with Alexandra. Every little pull, stretch, cramp, or odd sensation has made me wonder "Is everything still healthy?"
This brings me to why I am posting this blog post. Its about sharing with you the ups and downs of grief. Grief, especially over a child (no matter the length they were on this earth), is somewhat circular. It is all over the place. You may have a day or two where you feel like you did before your heart was broken, only to be blindsided with something that sets you down the path of tears, fear, or any number of emotions. You are never the same person again. Be it if your child died while you were pregnant, or in some accident you are NEVER the same person again.
Here is what you can do for a family (especially a woman) who has lost a baby. First, validate her feelings. Let her know it is okay to feel angry, sad, scared, depressed or even guilty. Women have an extra special connection to their children. We grow them inside of us, knowing them from essentially the moment of conception. Being a mother is a very intimate bond. This isn't to say that men can not have this feeling about their children, but it is a different kind of bond. Especially in my case, acknowledge that the pregnancy was real and that her feelings of loss are real. Don't ignore it, instead love the parents when they need it the most.
Second is something I briefly mentioned above. Acknowledged the loss. People want to know you are thinking about them and their children. We want to know that we are being prayed for, thought of, and taken care of. This applies to all aspects of loss, but especially in early pregnancy loss. I can honestly say that I had some horrible comments made to me after loosing a baby. Yes I didn't not get to feel my baby move or even hold them yet, but I still LOVED my child. I had dreams for them. When you loose a child, all of those dreams are dashed in an instant. You dream about their careers, their personalities, their hobbies, what you will teach them or what they will teach their children. You dream about every aspect of their life. When a child dies, it is very hard with the next one to have these dreams for them. You fear that they will be gone again, and sometimes when you let your guard down (as in my case) your dreams are once again shattered.
Finally, talk about it with the family. Offer to make them a meal or to do a load of laundry. Offer to walk their pets or to just sit with them for a while. Giving the family time to grieve in whatever way works for them helps them to accept what has happened and to get back to normal. I tried to get back to normal relatively quickly with my loss in March, but it also made things much more difficult. I was traveling within a few days of finding out. I had moments of forgetting while visiting with family, celebrating a wedding, and traveling, but I never stopped hurting. My daughter was my greatest comfort. She was my ray of sunshine in my darkest moments. My husband was my rock, hugging me when I needed it, calling to check in on me and just generally loving me the way I needed it.
I urge you if you have ever experienced a loss, no matter how old your child or family member was to find a project you can do to help you heal. Right now I am doing a project called capture your grief. You take photos of various things that are important to you. To say it has been healing would be an understatement. It has given me hope for this child. It has helped me to stay relaxed and it has helped me during a month I knew would be difficult. (Our due date was November 3) We love our babies, ALL of them and it has given me a chance to show that love for them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)