I know, I haven't updated or written a post in FOREVER. Shocker! Alas, it seems life has taken over and things like my joy of writing, even if it is about myself/family, has been placed on the back burner in favor of the everyday task of caring for my growing family.
SOOOO....here is a mini-update for my non-facebook readers as well as a few of my ramblings to follow.
Update #1
Alexandra is now talking in full sentences. I know, a bit delayed, but still a victory nevertheless. Her favorite one right now is "I did it!" She is also potty training, a task that is proving to be herculean, but that she eems to be making progress in. She LOVES Sophia the First. It is usually her choice of television shows for TV time. We **try** to limit television time to one hour a day, but some days it is just a task not worth fighting over, so she ends up getting more. (Admittedly, today she was feeling under the weather with what appears to be the cold everyone else has had, so I let it slide. Tomorrow we will do better.) We balance life out with lots of play time and she has recently discovered finger painting. She also enjoys her bath time and looks forward to it to finger "paint" the tub walls.
Update #2
Nathaniel is CRAWLING! **Insert nostalgic glance at baby** Oh how this tired mama longs for the days when he was just content to cuddle all day. Don't get me wrong, its fun having a curious baby who is eager to explore his world, but it sure makes things a bit more challenging. He is also jabbering up a storm. He loves books, just like his sister, and he LOVES food! Bath time is becoming more of a challenge too, as he has figured out how to pull up on furniture and the bath tub is the perfect height for little hands to grasp.
Update #3
David and I are doing well and seem to be adjusting to a new routine with his work schedule. It's tough, but manageable. It makes bedtime routines sometimes a challenge, as we have started working on getting Nathaniel to sleep by about 7pm, but it is doable on my own. Alexandra is going through a phase right now where she doesn't want to sleep without mommy snuggles before bed, so I will admit putting the baby to bed can be tough when it is just me.
Update #4
My job is starting to pick up again somewhat. :-) I am learning whole new side to birth and LOVING it! I mean really, who gets this excited about a job, unless they love it. No joke, my favorite part of the day is studying the placenta. LOL! Most people are grossed about by this thought, but I find that organ fascinating. It's great fun to me. I am also going to be starting my journey this summer into birth assisting. I'm not sure quite yet how that is going to fit in with my family, but I am excited to see. I know it is going to be a blessing for us both financially, but also as it will press me further in the direction I want to go as a midwife. Without a doubt I can say it is my dream, and while it is a long way off, it is attainable with some hard work, LOTS of births and a great preceptor. I'm a little intimidated by how long it may take, but I'm up for the challenge. Truth be told, I've NEVER been this passionate about ANYTHING in my entire life. Just finding the funds to achieve it all will be difficult, as student loans do not pay for the majority of it. At some point in the very near future I will be making a major "wish list" of midwifery related books and tools I will be needing at some point. We plan to prioritize and purchase as we can.
Now that I've got the obligatory update out of the way, I will share some more about what I have been mulling over in my head this evening.
I recently read a blog post by one of my fellow mamas that really smacked me in the face. She spoke about our personalities and how God created her just the way she is. It really hit home for me on a lot of levels.
Recently I have been struggling some as a mom. My own fear of failure sometimes creeps into my relationship with my kids. Frankly it has been tougher than I thought adjusting to having two children. The first initial weeks were easy, but as time has gone on I had a harder time adjusting than I thought I would.
So how does this relate to the blog post you ask? It occurred to me that, as I was reading this post, I realized my struggles with my kids came down to personalities. See, here it the thing, when I feel overly criticized, I shut down. Parents can't escape the critics, doesn't matter where you go, everyone has an opinion about how you should raise your children. So, as is my nature, I have been shutting down some to criticism.
Well, I have one child that is very much like me, and one child that seems to be very much like her father, with a few things smattered in there that belong to me. Everyone has a comment to make about one child or the other and I find that incredibly unfair to them and to me. Let me just start off by saying, I do the best I can. Yes, I fall short in A LOT of areas, but I honestly do my best. Some days are just better than others.
Recently I noticed I was becoming distant from my daughter and couldn't figure out why I felt like there was a void there. I just couldn't put my finger on it until my husband pointed out that she is at an age where she likes to DO things with me. So I have started to make an effort to put down the phone, the computer, the TV, or whatever and spend quality time with her. It's hard. I'll admit it. Technology is a HUGE part of my job, especially social media, and becoming unplugged is a challenge that is often difficult to overcome.
So as I unplug for those times I am playing with her I have noticed something. Her personality is growing and changing before my eyes. I am seeing unfold before me a beautiful soul I never realized existed. She is so LOVING. She is so compassionate and she is incredibly sensitive. I found myself reading that blog post tonight and silently crying knowing I had missed on too much of my toddler's life. I'm too busy doing and accomplishing that I had forgotten to soak in this beautiful life I had a part in creating. And I found myself suddenly sad for the parts I have missed over the last six or so months. I have been so busy creating this image of a "put together" mom that I forgot to love on my daughter.
So I challenge you all to unplug. Even if for just five minutes. Observe. Observe the lives before you, especially if you have children and soak in the little moments. It goes by far to quickly and you are likely to miss something important, especially something you may find insightful about their personalities. Instead, put it to the side and wait until the children are in bed, when you spouse is in bed or when all is quite to be with technology. It can wait. I can wait. And trust me I am going to TRY my hardest to do better and make things wait until my kids are asleep, my daughter doesn't need me or my son doesn't need me so that I can be the best mama to my two beautiful children. Who knows what you might learn, but I can guarantee you won't have a regret about it.
