Wow! What a change and challenge one year can be! In a week and a half David and I will turn over the page of our first year of marriage. What can I say? Its been a challenge and a blessing. David and I never lived together before getting married, but I knew his living habits before moving in together. That being said, like any newly married couple, I discovered habits he had that annoyed me and he discovered habits that annoyed him.
We have had a difficult year to say the least. Between making adjustments in the way we handle money to family adjustments we have seen our fair share of ups and downs. We learned how to draw closer to each other and to share in our frustrations and grief. Two individuals became one family; loving and supporting each other through our personal ups and downs.
Looking back through this past year I can't help but find myself drawn even closer to my spouse. I find that I have so many answered prayers and have chosen a wonderful help mate. I pray God continues to grow us through our years together and that David and I continue to show appreciation for each other. I pray that our love continues to deepen and grow through the easy and the difficult times.
This year would also not have been as wonderful with out the help of our friends and family. You are all so loved and appreciated! Thank you for offering kind words of encouragement and support. WE LOVE YOU!!
Josh- Thanks for becoming not only a best friend, but also a brother! For all of your love and support you have given us. Your friendship is truly priceless.
Britney- Thanks for always giving us a laugh when we needed it the most. Thanks for being there to lift my spirits on the particularly difficult days and for being a shoulder to cry on when we were grieving our loss.
Patty, Heather, and Bethany- Thanks for being such great girlfriends and always willing to answer the call when I needed a girls night out!! :-D Your friendship is something I am so happy to have been blessed with this year!
Brenda and Frank- Your love, support, and prayers are being heard! Thanks for being great parents to us and an encouragement! There are just too many things to mention here that we are grateful for! Thanks for raising such an honorable and patient child! Without your leg work I wouldn't have such a great spouse!! :-D :-D
Kevin and Tracey (Mom and Dad)- You guys are so awesome! Thanks for your love support and prayers also! They too are being heard!! Again, you guys have done so much for us, and there is just too much to mention here! Thanks for being such a great example of what a loving marriage is like! I listen, even when you don't feel like I do! ;-) Your wisdom continues to teach me, even at 23!
Matt, Jared, and Andy- Thanks for the great game nights and cheap entertainment! :-D The evenings at your place are always looked forward to and offer us with a bright spot in our weeks! :-D We look forward to many more to come!
Mike, Kyle, and Toby- Thanks guys for being my "replacement' Brothers! ;-) You three goons are always willing to lend a helping hand or just someone to hang out with! We always enjoy our time together with you be it in a group setting or individually.
Josh and Jake- Last but not least! :-D You guys are awesome brothers! You're always a lot of fun and always very loved! :-D Your big sister loves you a lot and your brother-in-law loves you too!
I'm sorry if I forgot anyone, but there are just so many of you to mention! We love you ALL and you each bring something different to the table! Hugs to all of you and many thanks for the year gone by! Here's to several more!!! :-D
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Summer Reading
Summer weather has finally arrived and with that means LOTS of pool time! For those of you that know me, I have always been a water and sun lover. I could spend hours in the pool just floating around aimlessly soaking up the sun in the process. Believe me, every spare moment I have been able to obtain over the last week has been spent in the water or beside the water. With time by the water also means lots of reading time for me. For whatever reason summer is always the time I pick up a book and can't put it down. I read in the winter time too, but summer has always been the time of the year that I seem to fly through books. For us that means lots of trips to the library and sorting through our book cases to find books we no longer want to hold onto and trading them in at McKays. Yes, by far I would have to say that summer time is a favorite season!
Last night David and I went to McKays to walk around (because thats where all of our dates end up at these days) and of course I was drooling over a whole run of titles I want to read this summer. He of course did the same thing, though David has a habit of reading the same books multiple times. This isn't always a bad thing though, becaus I know most of the time if he has bought a book, its a well thought out purchase and will provide him with years of etnertainment! (provided it holds together that long!) I on the other hand tend to only read books once, unless it is a favorite. For example, I have all of the Harry Potter books, and I try to read them at least once a year. Same goes for my twilight books and I just finished a series that I am certian will jump on the "once a year" reading list. (For those of you interested in reading something mindless but also great I recomend the Luxe series! Totally worth it!!)
With our trip to McKays David and I talked about our summer reading lists and we came to a conclusion, we both tend to get stuck in the same genre of books and find ourselves not taking the time to think outside of the box. David reads science fiction and fantasy, whereas I am prone to reading romance and fantasy/ adventure books. I do pick up the occassional nonfiction book, but generally speaking I tend to stay in one genre! (back on track now) We decided that we are going to issue each other a challege. We are going to pick a book or seires once a year for the other to read. Something that the other person has never read before so that we can broaden our horizons and experience other types of books. Its important to us that we open our minds to something new as well as to have something new to talk about. I'm excited to see what our summer reading project will show about each other and also providing us with an opprotunity for new conversations! Wish us luck!!
Last night David and I went to McKays to walk around (because thats where all of our dates end up at these days) and of course I was drooling over a whole run of titles I want to read this summer. He of course did the same thing, though David has a habit of reading the same books multiple times. This isn't always a bad thing though, becaus I know most of the time if he has bought a book, its a well thought out purchase and will provide him with years of etnertainment! (provided it holds together that long!) I on the other hand tend to only read books once, unless it is a favorite. For example, I have all of the Harry Potter books, and I try to read them at least once a year. Same goes for my twilight books and I just finished a series that I am certian will jump on the "once a year" reading list. (For those of you interested in reading something mindless but also great I recomend the Luxe series! Totally worth it!!)
With our trip to McKays David and I talked about our summer reading lists and we came to a conclusion, we both tend to get stuck in the same genre of books and find ourselves not taking the time to think outside of the box. David reads science fiction and fantasy, whereas I am prone to reading romance and fantasy/ adventure books. I do pick up the occassional nonfiction book, but generally speaking I tend to stay in one genre! (back on track now) We decided that we are going to issue each other a challege. We are going to pick a book or seires once a year for the other to read. Something that the other person has never read before so that we can broaden our horizons and experience other types of books. Its important to us that we open our minds to something new as well as to have something new to talk about. I'm excited to see what our summer reading project will show about each other and also providing us with an opprotunity for new conversations! Wish us luck!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Blogging Through It
I have been blogging a lot lately, mostly to help me process whats been going on in our life. Its no big secret that we have suffered an emotional and physical loss and its certainly not hidden how I have felt about it. I have felt the need to blog about things just so I could process my emotions. Its easier and certainly less costly than seeing a therapist. Let me first of all just state that I'm by no stretch of the imagination against seeing a counselor, but for this I have felt that I could get through it with the support of my friends and family. I felt that by going to a therapist I would be wasting their time and resources when there were others that needed the help much more than myself. I have been in counseling enough to know that working through pain takes time and healing will not happen over night.
I have truly felt as though my blogging has helped me to process life in a way that few can do on their own. It has also allowed me to talk candidly about the life changes that have been occurring over the last six months. It has given me a voice and an a way to share with you my faith that by no uncertain terms has been tested. It is a struggle to be a Christian and Satin has a way of attacking us at our weakest. Its painful, but I am learning I am far stronger than I ever thought I was. I am learning to walk in a manner that is strong and pleasing to God.
I also want people to know that its okay to talk to me about what is going on in life. I have been blessed to have a few friends that have experienced similar events and they have talked openly to me about the struggles they have faced. They know the importance of talking to someone. Talking about it is what gets me through the day. Of course I am going to have difficult days, but truth be told those are the days I need my friends the most. So please don't be afraid to ask me how I am doing. Don't be scared to tell me you love me, and by all means please do not hold back.
I have truly felt as though my blogging has helped me to process life in a way that few can do on their own. It has also allowed me to talk candidly about the life changes that have been occurring over the last six months. It has given me a voice and an a way to share with you my faith that by no uncertain terms has been tested. It is a struggle to be a Christian and Satin has a way of attacking us at our weakest. Its painful, but I am learning I am far stronger than I ever thought I was. I am learning to walk in a manner that is strong and pleasing to God.
I also want people to know that its okay to talk to me about what is going on in life. I have been blessed to have a few friends that have experienced similar events and they have talked openly to me about the struggles they have faced. They know the importance of talking to someone. Talking about it is what gets me through the day. Of course I am going to have difficult days, but truth be told those are the days I need my friends the most. So please don't be afraid to ask me how I am doing. Don't be scared to tell me you love me, and by all means please do not hold back.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
How to make an American Quilt
Last night I watched a movie called "How to Make an American Quilt" about a young lady who goes to stay with her grandmother for the summer while writing her master's thesis. The premise of the movie is based around six older women and the construction of a "love quilt." Each block of the quilt was designed to represent what each woman viewed as love. The blocks ranged from flowers to a diving board.
This story got me thinking about my family and friends. What would their interpretation of love be? I know that mine would be a chapel, not just because of the fact that it represents my faith, but also because a chapel was the place I married David. Its where our story began. We met at a place of faith, married at a place of faith, and made a promise before God and our family that we would continue to carry on that faith to our new family. A chapel is not only symbolic, but important to us.
Each of us has a story to tell, and though I did not agree with the story these women told, it was in fact a story that so many of us can relate with. Love is a powerful emotion, something that binds parents to children, husbands to wives, and friends together for life. Love is honest, pure, and passionate. Love when embraced can heal a wounded heart and restore a broken relationship. With every fiber of my being I believe that love is what keeps me going. Not just the love of my partner, but of a heavenly father who desires nothing but the very best for me.
How to make an American Quilt also got me thinking about my relationship with my husband. How do I want others to see it? I know that my husband makes me a better person. He challenges me to examine the areas of my life that I can not see. He challenges me to change the negative aspects of my character. David and I strive to have the type of marriage that others can look at and say "In fifty years I hope my marriage is just like yours!" I look at both of our parents and feel that I want to have the kind of relationship with my spouse that they have with theirs. It takes a lot of hard work, determination, communication, and forgiveness to have a marriage like that, but its something I pray we will hold on to.
This story got me thinking about my family and friends. What would their interpretation of love be? I know that mine would be a chapel, not just because of the fact that it represents my faith, but also because a chapel was the place I married David. Its where our story began. We met at a place of faith, married at a place of faith, and made a promise before God and our family that we would continue to carry on that faith to our new family. A chapel is not only symbolic, but important to us.
Each of us has a story to tell, and though I did not agree with the story these women told, it was in fact a story that so many of us can relate with. Love is a powerful emotion, something that binds parents to children, husbands to wives, and friends together for life. Love is honest, pure, and passionate. Love when embraced can heal a wounded heart and restore a broken relationship. With every fiber of my being I believe that love is what keeps me going. Not just the love of my partner, but of a heavenly father who desires nothing but the very best for me.
How to make an American Quilt also got me thinking about my relationship with my husband. How do I want others to see it? I know that my husband makes me a better person. He challenges me to examine the areas of my life that I can not see. He challenges me to change the negative aspects of my character. David and I strive to have the type of marriage that others can look at and say "In fifty years I hope my marriage is just like yours!" I look at both of our parents and feel that I want to have the kind of relationship with my spouse that they have with theirs. It takes a lot of hard work, determination, communication, and forgiveness to have a marriage like that, but its something I pray we will hold on to.
Monday, May 3, 2010
A picture is Worth a 1000 words
We spent the weekend with David's parents and it was a wonderful time for everyone. I have been very blessed not to have in-laws that are the stereotypical parents. I love them very much and we always have a good time when we get together. The only regret I have for this weekend was not taking any photos!
We've all heard the phrase "A picture is worth a thousand words" and I believe this to be true. Pictures catch a moment in time, a memory if you will. There comes a time when those memories are all we have to hang onto and hope for a time when we can experience those feelings again. Sometimes those feelings can not be obtained again, and we have to come to terms and accept that those moments will never be relived.I say this not to depress you, but it is very much the truth.
I have been thinking about my grandfather a lot in the last couple of days, longing for those special moments we shared together. I realize those special moments can not be relived, but I still miss him never the less. We were special to him, and he was special to us. He was constantly taking pictures and it is those pictures I love so dearly. Not just because he took them, but because they capture a moment in time. Moments that are so dear to us.
I guess that's why I take photos so often, I love capturing moments. I want my family to look back at these photos one day and see how incredibly special they were to me. I want my family to know that I love them and that the time we spend together is important to me.
We've all heard the phrase "A picture is worth a thousand words" and I believe this to be true. Pictures catch a moment in time, a memory if you will. There comes a time when those memories are all we have to hang onto and hope for a time when we can experience those feelings again. Sometimes those feelings can not be obtained again, and we have to come to terms and accept that those moments will never be relived.I say this not to depress you, but it is very much the truth.
I have been thinking about my grandfather a lot in the last couple of days, longing for those special moments we shared together. I realize those special moments can not be relived, but I still miss him never the less. We were special to him, and he was special to us. He was constantly taking pictures and it is those pictures I love so dearly. Not just because he took them, but because they capture a moment in time. Moments that are so dear to us.
I guess that's why I take photos so often, I love capturing moments. I want my family to look back at these photos one day and see how incredibly special they were to me. I want my family to know that I love them and that the time we spend together is important to me.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
All In HIS Timing
UGH! As I sit here this evening typing this update I am feeling not only restless, but impatient! I am feeling impatient with the timing of life and annoyed with God. Not so much to say that I am annoyed with where God is taking me, but more so in the simple fact that I can't seem to gain a foothold on my pursuit of an education. Due to some unwise choices I made when I first struck out on my own, I am living less comfortably than I would like to, thus making it more difficult to follow through on my need of an education. Simply put, its irritating.
I am feeling restless and I facing a lack of direction that I once held. Now it seems as though the only thoughts on my mind are bills, marriage, and what my future holds. Though we are not ready for parenthood, I find myself asking God when things will happen, if I'm able to carry a child, and what life will be like should we have a child at this present time. I'm not saying I want a baby right now, I know we are no where capable of sustaining the finances required to raise a child, but I find that daily I face the aching and longing for my child. I am in my truest form a nurturer and as a result of this I am constantly concerned with the needs of those around me.
It is the need for nurturing others that drives me question my career path. Should I be a nurse, a teacher, or something else? Many unanswered questions are circling around in my brain, and it seems as though I am being told to wait. I am not a waiter, I LOATH being told to wait! But unfortunately God seems to have bigger plans for me, and is yet again teaching me a lesson in understanding his timing! YUCK! I guess what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger! :-) God isn't killing me, and he IS teaching me about the importance of his timing. I long to please YHWH and I often feels as though I am failing him.
I am reminded in spite of the fact that I am frustrated that God is my creator, and that he has made me in his image. He made me to long for greater things, and he made me to desire to serve others. I am made perfectly in his image and there is no one greater that loves me, not even my husband. It is this understanding that allows me to press on and do my best to please him, even when I feel as though I am failing.
I leave you with these words of encouragement, meant not only to remind you, but also myself of God's holiness and the value of waiting on his timing.
Psalm 27:14
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 37:7
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
I am feeling restless and I facing a lack of direction that I once held. Now it seems as though the only thoughts on my mind are bills, marriage, and what my future holds. Though we are not ready for parenthood, I find myself asking God when things will happen, if I'm able to carry a child, and what life will be like should we have a child at this present time. I'm not saying I want a baby right now, I know we are no where capable of sustaining the finances required to raise a child, but I find that daily I face the aching and longing for my child. I am in my truest form a nurturer and as a result of this I am constantly concerned with the needs of those around me.
It is the need for nurturing others that drives me question my career path. Should I be a nurse, a teacher, or something else? Many unanswered questions are circling around in my brain, and it seems as though I am being told to wait. I am not a waiter, I LOATH being told to wait! But unfortunately God seems to have bigger plans for me, and is yet again teaching me a lesson in understanding his timing! YUCK! I guess what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger! :-) God isn't killing me, and he IS teaching me about the importance of his timing. I long to please YHWH and I often feels as though I am failing him.
I am reminded in spite of the fact that I am frustrated that God is my creator, and that he has made me in his image. He made me to long for greater things, and he made me to desire to serve others. I am made perfectly in his image and there is no one greater that loves me, not even my husband. It is this understanding that allows me to press on and do my best to please him, even when I feel as though I am failing.
I leave you with these words of encouragement, meant not only to remind you, but also myself of God's holiness and the value of waiting on his timing.
Psalm 27:14
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 37:7
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Bondage
Tonight was yet another sleepless night and I was trying to make myself sleepy by going through some of my old favorite videos on Youtube. I happened to run across a video of the lyrics to the song "Everything" by Lifehouse so I watched. That of course lead me to a link to a skit that some students did with the song. It was extremely powerful and it got my wheels turning. I began to think about bondage and its impact on our lives.
There is always that one small thing that people struggle with to over come. For some it may be a bad habit, others it may be something much stronger like addiction. This got me thinking about my own shortcoming and I got to thinking about all of the areas that I fail in life. I struggle with a lot of things. I often times buy into what the Wester world thinks as beautiful, I buy into my own personal inadiquacies, and I buy into what other think of me in general.
My whole life I have struggled with an addiction to food. As crazy as it may sound, yes food can become an addiction and for me it is often times an overpowering addiction. I use food to soothe me when I'm feeling upset, lonely, or just plain bored. Its an obession and I often times find myself thinking about my next snack. As a result of this I'm terribly overweight and no matter how hard I try to fight it, I just can't seem to stop obsessing. It is my bondage. I struggle daily with asking Christ to take the sin of gluttony from my plate, and I often fail. Some days are good, but like an alcholic or druggie I find myself looking for my next food fix.
When I'm not eating, I find myself obessing over what I have (or have not) had to eat in a certain time period. I try diets and "ways" of living to no avail. Its as though this addiction has such a hold over me that I am uncertain what to do with myself when I'm not consumed by it. I have even gone so far as to seek out Over Eaters Anonomous to seek help and support in this addiction, yet nothing seems to work. I know I have to eat to live, but this type of eating disorder is going to kill me one day if I can't put a stop to it. Not only that, but it can and has affected my ability to carry a child to full term. Its not only endangering my life, but the life of those around me.
This bondage is something that I have hidden so well, that up until about two years into my relationship with David, he had not a clue that this was going on. It took me confessing to him about this struggle for him to find out. There were even times that I practiced buliemic tendancies, though those cycles have always been short lived, as I loath vomiting.
I continue to pray daily that Christ can help me to shake these chains away. That he will help me to over come my sinful ways and that he will hold me up on those difficult moments when I need his loving hand to guide me. I am asking God once and for all to fully deliver me from this bondage I am under and lift me from this blackhole.
There is always that one small thing that people struggle with to over come. For some it may be a bad habit, others it may be something much stronger like addiction. This got me thinking about my own shortcoming and I got to thinking about all of the areas that I fail in life. I struggle with a lot of things. I often times buy into what the Wester world thinks as beautiful, I buy into my own personal inadiquacies, and I buy into what other think of me in general.
My whole life I have struggled with an addiction to food. As crazy as it may sound, yes food can become an addiction and for me it is often times an overpowering addiction. I use food to soothe me when I'm feeling upset, lonely, or just plain bored. Its an obession and I often times find myself thinking about my next snack. As a result of this I'm terribly overweight and no matter how hard I try to fight it, I just can't seem to stop obsessing. It is my bondage. I struggle daily with asking Christ to take the sin of gluttony from my plate, and I often fail. Some days are good, but like an alcholic or druggie I find myself looking for my next food fix.
When I'm not eating, I find myself obessing over what I have (or have not) had to eat in a certain time period. I try diets and "ways" of living to no avail. Its as though this addiction has such a hold over me that I am uncertain what to do with myself when I'm not consumed by it. I have even gone so far as to seek out Over Eaters Anonomous to seek help and support in this addiction, yet nothing seems to work. I know I have to eat to live, but this type of eating disorder is going to kill me one day if I can't put a stop to it. Not only that, but it can and has affected my ability to carry a child to full term. Its not only endangering my life, but the life of those around me.
This bondage is something that I have hidden so well, that up until about two years into my relationship with David, he had not a clue that this was going on. It took me confessing to him about this struggle for him to find out. There were even times that I practiced buliemic tendancies, though those cycles have always been short lived, as I loath vomiting.
I continue to pray daily that Christ can help me to shake these chains away. That he will help me to over come my sinful ways and that he will hold me up on those difficult moments when I need his loving hand to guide me. I am asking God once and for all to fully deliver me from this bondage I am under and lift me from this blackhole.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Beauty from Ashes
I write this post with a heavy heart, but also with a peace surrounding me that only one who believes in the great healer can understand. David and I have had a very difficult month an a half, more so on my end, and it is because of the heaviness I feel the need to get things off of my chest.
Let me first off start by saying I love my husband dearly. He is my biggest support and sometimes my only support, holding me up in ways that only one who knows you intimately can do. I am extremely proud of him, and anyone who has seen us together would know that I hold a strong pride in my spouse. He continues to provide for us both in meeting our physical needs but as well as our emotional and spiritual needs. My husband is my best friend and one of a handful of people I can honestly be myself around.
That being said, we have had some heartbreak that we did not feel the need to share until just a couple of days ago. We felt for both of our sakes it was best to talk about this heartbreak to others so that we could find some closure and healing. God has been incredibly loving and has held me up and brought me to friends that understand the heartache we have been facing. This this is difficult for me to write about, we have decided that it is time to share with the world what exactly has happened. So please bare with me as I am about to become very raw with my emotions.
David and I found out in early March that we were expecting and we were both terrified and thrilled at the same time. We believed that we had conceived sometime in January/ Early February as we had taken a couple of home pregnancy tests that were negative, but I hadn't started my monthly cycle yet. Initially we thought it was due to my PCOS and didn't think anything of it, as its fairly normal for me to be off every few months (and I was long overdue for an irregular month) but something just didn't feel right to me. We found out a week or so later that indeed I was pregnant and of course for any new parent the emotions came flooding through.
I of course did not take into account the fact that I have developed PCOS and with that comes its own set of issues during pregnancy. The long end of the story resulted in a miscarriage for us and I was devastated. Not only did it hurt in the physical sense, but my heart felt so incredibly wounded. I still mourn for my child, and though I know they are in a better place and with a loving God who can offer them a life far better than I could ever offer them, I still ask myself what life would have been like with a little Heselton running around.
Though I know we are no where near ready to have a child (seeing as we just got married under a year ago!) I still long for the day when I can call myself a mother. My biggest ambition in life is to be a mother, and dismal as that may sound to some of you, the majority of you know that I have a mothering and nurturing spirit. God has planted a desire in my heart to be a mother, and though I know some day that will come true, it still pains me not to have it now.
I also know that God can use this in a way that I have not yet figured out. He will bring beauty from these ashes and he is giving me the strength to heal. He allows me to have happy days and he also has given me the ability to feel on those sad days. The happy days are coming closer together and the sad days further apart, and in time I will have less and less sad days. I just pray that my loving Father will continue to lift me up when I call to him. He has given me the peace that I have and will continue to love me unconditionally.
Let me first off start by saying I love my husband dearly. He is my biggest support and sometimes my only support, holding me up in ways that only one who knows you intimately can do. I am extremely proud of him, and anyone who has seen us together would know that I hold a strong pride in my spouse. He continues to provide for us both in meeting our physical needs but as well as our emotional and spiritual needs. My husband is my best friend and one of a handful of people I can honestly be myself around.
That being said, we have had some heartbreak that we did not feel the need to share until just a couple of days ago. We felt for both of our sakes it was best to talk about this heartbreak to others so that we could find some closure and healing. God has been incredibly loving and has held me up and brought me to friends that understand the heartache we have been facing. This this is difficult for me to write about, we have decided that it is time to share with the world what exactly has happened. So please bare with me as I am about to become very raw with my emotions.
David and I found out in early March that we were expecting and we were both terrified and thrilled at the same time. We believed that we had conceived sometime in January/ Early February as we had taken a couple of home pregnancy tests that were negative, but I hadn't started my monthly cycle yet. Initially we thought it was due to my PCOS and didn't think anything of it, as its fairly normal for me to be off every few months (and I was long overdue for an irregular month) but something just didn't feel right to me. We found out a week or so later that indeed I was pregnant and of course for any new parent the emotions came flooding through.
I of course did not take into account the fact that I have developed PCOS and with that comes its own set of issues during pregnancy. The long end of the story resulted in a miscarriage for us and I was devastated. Not only did it hurt in the physical sense, but my heart felt so incredibly wounded. I still mourn for my child, and though I know they are in a better place and with a loving God who can offer them a life far better than I could ever offer them, I still ask myself what life would have been like with a little Heselton running around.
Though I know we are no where near ready to have a child (seeing as we just got married under a year ago!) I still long for the day when I can call myself a mother. My biggest ambition in life is to be a mother, and dismal as that may sound to some of you, the majority of you know that I have a mothering and nurturing spirit. God has planted a desire in my heart to be a mother, and though I know some day that will come true, it still pains me not to have it now.
I also know that God can use this in a way that I have not yet figured out. He will bring beauty from these ashes and he is giving me the strength to heal. He allows me to have happy days and he also has given me the ability to feel on those sad days. The happy days are coming closer together and the sad days further apart, and in time I will have less and less sad days. I just pray that my loving Father will continue to lift me up when I call to him. He has given me the peace that I have and will continue to love me unconditionally.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Demise of the Family
In my home town there is a local church that puts on a Easter Pageant. Today I saw an article about this special event stating that the pageant was starting to die. Due to the economy money was not being donated and the event could not find volunteers willing to act in the play. This got my wheels turning and I realized how little importance people place on events requiring us to gather as a family. We choose to chase the moment and refuse to stop and take pause and acknowledge from where we originated.
Even if you are not a Christian, Easter still held a small amount of importance to the family unit. The fact of the matter is we have become completely self absorbed to the point that we have allowed the very concept of family to fall by the wayside. No matter how you slice it, we have forgotten the simple concept of family and have chosen to turn away and become self reliant. Family once held a special place in our hearts and we were not bothered to take time off to remember this fact.
The truth of the matter is that the whole concept of family has been marred by convenience. A great example of this is the TV dinner. With the invention of this meal, family no longer was required to sit at the dinner table to share their meal, instead we chose to drift in the direction of the television, speaking to each other only when required. Eventually the invention of pizza and fast food no longer required us to even be in the same household to obtain our meals. Now it is extraordinary to find a family that sits at the dinning room table. During family meals at the holidays we become frustrated with those around us and become annoyed with the very idea of spending time together.
Divorce is another common factor in the demise of the family unit. Children are forced to choose between sides of the family and the courts delegate where they must spend their time. I honestly believe that because we spend little time together as a family, thus not connecting on a personal level with our spouse, we forget the importance of the family unit. Parents become focused on the children and not on their spouse, when in fact the husband and the wife are what created the family in the first place. With out quality time, a husband and a wife will drift apart, creating complications in the marriage. I can guarantee you the couples who have strong marriages take pause to share time alone reconnecting. Its vital to a marriage and vital to the family unit.
Family units also are falling apart due to a lack of respect for one another. There was a time not so long ago that children respected their parents, making certain to listen to them when instructed to do so. Children acknowledged the authority their parents held over them and honored the wishes of their parents. Somewhere along the lines children began to become more independent and believed they were entitled to make their own decisions, going against everything their parents taught them. I myself was guilty of this attitude, believing I was above the instruction of my mother and father! With this attitude comes stress for a mother and father that can do irreparable damage to a marriage and a family. Lines of communication break down and children go undisciplined.
Even if you are not a Christian, Easter still held a small amount of importance to the family unit. The fact of the matter is we have become completely self absorbed to the point that we have allowed the very concept of family to fall by the wayside. No matter how you slice it, we have forgotten the simple concept of family and have chosen to turn away and become self reliant. Family once held a special place in our hearts and we were not bothered to take time off to remember this fact.
The truth of the matter is that the whole concept of family has been marred by convenience. A great example of this is the TV dinner. With the invention of this meal, family no longer was required to sit at the dinner table to share their meal, instead we chose to drift in the direction of the television, speaking to each other only when required. Eventually the invention of pizza and fast food no longer required us to even be in the same household to obtain our meals. Now it is extraordinary to find a family that sits at the dinning room table. During family meals at the holidays we become frustrated with those around us and become annoyed with the very idea of spending time together.
Divorce is another common factor in the demise of the family unit. Children are forced to choose between sides of the family and the courts delegate where they must spend their time. I honestly believe that because we spend little time together as a family, thus not connecting on a personal level with our spouse, we forget the importance of the family unit. Parents become focused on the children and not on their spouse, when in fact the husband and the wife are what created the family in the first place. With out quality time, a husband and a wife will drift apart, creating complications in the marriage. I can guarantee you the couples who have strong marriages take pause to share time alone reconnecting. Its vital to a marriage and vital to the family unit.
Family units also are falling apart due to a lack of respect for one another. There was a time not so long ago that children respected their parents, making certain to listen to them when instructed to do so. Children acknowledged the authority their parents held over them and honored the wishes of their parents. Somewhere along the lines children began to become more independent and believed they were entitled to make their own decisions, going against everything their parents taught them. I myself was guilty of this attitude, believing I was above the instruction of my mother and father! With this attitude comes stress for a mother and father that can do irreparable damage to a marriage and a family. Lines of communication break down and children go undisciplined.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I found this today
I was sifting through some of my old notes on Facebook, trying to find a subject matter to write about when an old post rang out loud and clear. (I will attach this note at the bottom of this post so that you know what I am talking about) As many, if not all of you, have heard by now the health care bill was passed Sunday evening. I am very displeased by this, yet somehow God found a way to speak to me through the current political turmoil that we are facing. I posted a note on Facebook the night after President Obama was elected and it caught my eye, bringing to my attention the very points I laid out in the note almost a year and a half ago.
Interestingly enough, I felt a big God sized slap on the back of my head when I read this and I was reminded of what I stand for as a Christian, as well as an American. I stated in the note that I did not have to like the policies of our current president, and I still stand by that fact. I remember very vividly writing the note and stating the fact that a change was about to occure in our country, and be it good or bad God would have control over the events about to unfold. Boy have I lost sight of that simple fact! God is in control and I must be reminded of this.
That being said God may be in control, but there are things I can do as a voter to prevent this bill from going forward. Many of you that know me, know that I am an extremely conservative voter whom believes that everyone should do thier part to get the right person in office. I also do not believe in slapping a label of Republican, Democrat, Libritarian, or Independant on any one voter. I hate being sterotyped to the very core of my being, and from a very early age I began to make that clear. Unfortunatly because I am a conservative voter, I have been labeled as an idiot whom has no understanding of the political system. In some respects this is true; I can not say with complete confidence that I know exactly how the political system works. That being said, I do know how to research an issue and if there is something that I do not understand I know how to ask questions to aid me in becoming more knowledgeable of politics or any other subject matter that I so desire to learn more about.
In my note I also said that I would offer my congratulations to Obama and his camp of officials helping to get him elected, even though I disagreed with everything he stood for. I still stand by this believe. I do not agree with anything Obama stands for as a lawmaker, but unfortunately I have to support him until in two more years I can vote again for the next person I believe to be the best choice. I believe that as a country we need to stand as one to support and build up the leaders of this country. Again I state, I don't have to like him, but I do have to respect him.
I also believe in uniting as a country to mobilize and get the word out about issues that we are concerned over. I belive that is what our country was built on, and is very fundemental in activating the changes we so desire as Americans. It only takes one person to start a change. Look at great examples like Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr, and George Washington. All three people stood up for what they believed in and as a result a change was brought to America. Admittedly with George Washington it was "America" yet, but you get the point I am making. To quote myself "Change is coming, and its going to come fast." Be that change!
Blog titled Presidential Elections Written November 6, 2008
Well, as you have all heard by now (unless you live under a rock) Obama has been elected our president and history has been made. Since the election is over, I have seen mixed reactions by those around me, ranging from anger, to discouragement, to fear for our country.
With that being said, I have some thoughts I would like to share with you and some questions that I would like to pose to you. I have witnessed some disturbing things among the people of America concerning this election, but I have also seen some encouraging things too. My eyes have been opened to the inner workings of our country and I have learned much more than I did the first time I voted.
Now that I've got that said, I would like to say that indeed I did NOT vote for Obama. I felt the need to vote for the person whom I felt had the most experience, could do the job well, and whom would stand for what I believed in as a Christian. In my opinion I felt as though McCain fit all of this criteria the best, so naturally that is whom I voted for. I have received mixed reactions ranging from "What were you thinking?" to "Way to go!" I suddenly came to the realization that because this is America, people ARE going to have differences in opinion and their opinion is not always going to line up with mine. I have come to the conclusion that it is not the difference in opinions that bother me, so much as the attitude you carry when discussing those opinions. What is your attitude when you discuss your opinion on the election (or any opinion for that matter)? Is it that of respect for the other person despite the fact that you disagree with what they say? Or do you find yourself becoming angry over their opinion? Or do you simply find yourself becoming angry because they do not agree with what you believe in?
Secondly, I have also noticed with this election that there has been much labeling from each party. Why do we have to have labels for what we believe in? Yes I lean more towards the Republican party, but because I do so, I am suddenly labeled "Republican." I would like to make one thing very clear right now, just because you have Republican or Democrat on your voter registration card, it does not mean that you are one or the other. I am very conservative in my politics, but if I feel that a "Democrat" will do the best job as the leader of my community, state, or country, you can bet that I will vote for them! We should be voting for whom we feel will do the best in office, not on what party we identify the most with. I resent it when someone slaps a label on a person based on their beliefs! I am proud to admit that most of the time I am a "Republican" but why do we have to have a label for it? Why can't I just say I'm and American!?
Thirdly, I am greatly disturbed by the way the losers in this case have responded. Yes, there has been some gloating from the winning supporters, but in general, I have noticed more bad attitudes from the losers than the winners. Please people, we are already living in times of turmoil, do we need to add fighting about who's the better person? Just because I do not agree with what Obama stands for, does not mean that I can not stand behind him and support him as the leader of my country. I will admit that at first I was angry and did not want to listen to anything that anyone had to say about Obama's win (and for that I am VERY sorry!), but I have come to the realization that what has been done is done, and there is nothing that I can do to change that. I don't agree with him on a lot of things (but that I can save for a conversation in person), but just because I don't agree with him doesn't mean that I shouldn't support him as my leader. If any good is to come of this election, we need to stand together as ONE country and support those who have the power to make the decisions directly affecting us. I am just asking you to think about your attitude and ask yourself if you are allowing the hatred to breed in this country that we have been trying to avoid for so long.
I also would like to offer my congratulations to the Obama camp on a well run campaign and victory. I don't have to like what your candidate stands for, but because he will be my leader beginning January 20, 2009, I have to stand behind him. I will continue to pray for him and that he will make the right choices to keep this country running well. I can't change his opinion, but I sure can pray that it will be changed somehow.
As for the rest of us, let's admit defeat, stand up and unite together to be the catalyst for change that needs to happen in this country. Change is coming, and it is going to come fast. I can't say if it will be a bumpy or smooth road, but what I can say is that God will be in control of it all. Let us have our eyes opened to the importance of prayer when it comes to our lives, whether it be the little things, or the big things. We need to be the change this country so desperately needs, and as Christians we need to bring Christ back into our government and our communities. Think about the choices you make and how they affect the people around you, be it positive or negative.
Interestingly enough, I felt a big God sized slap on the back of my head when I read this and I was reminded of what I stand for as a Christian, as well as an American. I stated in the note that I did not have to like the policies of our current president, and I still stand by that fact. I remember very vividly writing the note and stating the fact that a change was about to occure in our country, and be it good or bad God would have control over the events about to unfold. Boy have I lost sight of that simple fact! God is in control and I must be reminded of this.
That being said God may be in control, but there are things I can do as a voter to prevent this bill from going forward. Many of you that know me, know that I am an extremely conservative voter whom believes that everyone should do thier part to get the right person in office. I also do not believe in slapping a label of Republican, Democrat, Libritarian, or Independant on any one voter. I hate being sterotyped to the very core of my being, and from a very early age I began to make that clear. Unfortunatly because I am a conservative voter, I have been labeled as an idiot whom has no understanding of the political system. In some respects this is true; I can not say with complete confidence that I know exactly how the political system works. That being said, I do know how to research an issue and if there is something that I do not understand I know how to ask questions to aid me in becoming more knowledgeable of politics or any other subject matter that I so desire to learn more about.
In my note I also said that I would offer my congratulations to Obama and his camp of officials helping to get him elected, even though I disagreed with everything he stood for. I still stand by this believe. I do not agree with anything Obama stands for as a lawmaker, but unfortunately I have to support him until in two more years I can vote again for the next person I believe to be the best choice. I believe that as a country we need to stand as one to support and build up the leaders of this country. Again I state, I don't have to like him, but I do have to respect him.
I also believe in uniting as a country to mobilize and get the word out about issues that we are concerned over. I belive that is what our country was built on, and is very fundemental in activating the changes we so desire as Americans. It only takes one person to start a change. Look at great examples like Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr, and George Washington. All three people stood up for what they believed in and as a result a change was brought to America. Admittedly with George Washington it was "America" yet, but you get the point I am making. To quote myself "Change is coming, and its going to come fast." Be that change!
Blog titled Presidential Elections Written November 6, 2008
Well, as you have all heard by now (unless you live under a rock) Obama has been elected our president and history has been made. Since the election is over, I have seen mixed reactions by those around me, ranging from anger, to discouragement, to fear for our country.
With that being said, I have some thoughts I would like to share with you and some questions that I would like to pose to you. I have witnessed some disturbing things among the people of America concerning this election, but I have also seen some encouraging things too. My eyes have been opened to the inner workings of our country and I have learned much more than I did the first time I voted.
Now that I've got that said, I would like to say that indeed I did NOT vote for Obama. I felt the need to vote for the person whom I felt had the most experience, could do the job well, and whom would stand for what I believed in as a Christian. In my opinion I felt as though McCain fit all of this criteria the best, so naturally that is whom I voted for. I have received mixed reactions ranging from "What were you thinking?" to "Way to go!" I suddenly came to the realization that because this is America, people ARE going to have differences in opinion and their opinion is not always going to line up with mine. I have come to the conclusion that it is not the difference in opinions that bother me, so much as the attitude you carry when discussing those opinions. What is your attitude when you discuss your opinion on the election (or any opinion for that matter)? Is it that of respect for the other person despite the fact that you disagree with what they say? Or do you find yourself becoming angry over their opinion? Or do you simply find yourself becoming angry because they do not agree with what you believe in?
Secondly, I have also noticed with this election that there has been much labeling from each party. Why do we have to have labels for what we believe in? Yes I lean more towards the Republican party, but because I do so, I am suddenly labeled "Republican." I would like to make one thing very clear right now, just because you have Republican or Democrat on your voter registration card, it does not mean that you are one or the other. I am very conservative in my politics, but if I feel that a "Democrat" will do the best job as the leader of my community, state, or country, you can bet that I will vote for them! We should be voting for whom we feel will do the best in office, not on what party we identify the most with. I resent it when someone slaps a label on a person based on their beliefs! I am proud to admit that most of the time I am a "Republican" but why do we have to have a label for it? Why can't I just say I'm and American!?
Thirdly, I am greatly disturbed by the way the losers in this case have responded. Yes, there has been some gloating from the winning supporters, but in general, I have noticed more bad attitudes from the losers than the winners. Please people, we are already living in times of turmoil, do we need to add fighting about who's the better person? Just because I do not agree with what Obama stands for, does not mean that I can not stand behind him and support him as the leader of my country. I will admit that at first I was angry and did not want to listen to anything that anyone had to say about Obama's win (and for that I am VERY sorry!), but I have come to the realization that what has been done is done, and there is nothing that I can do to change that. I don't agree with him on a lot of things (but that I can save for a conversation in person), but just because I don't agree with him doesn't mean that I shouldn't support him as my leader. If any good is to come of this election, we need to stand together as ONE country and support those who have the power to make the decisions directly affecting us. I am just asking you to think about your attitude and ask yourself if you are allowing the hatred to breed in this country that we have been trying to avoid for so long.
I also would like to offer my congratulations to the Obama camp on a well run campaign and victory. I don't have to like what your candidate stands for, but because he will be my leader beginning January 20, 2009, I have to stand behind him. I will continue to pray for him and that he will make the right choices to keep this country running well. I can't change his opinion, but I sure can pray that it will be changed somehow.
As for the rest of us, let's admit defeat, stand up and unite together to be the catalyst for change that needs to happen in this country. Change is coming, and it is going to come fast. I can't say if it will be a bumpy or smooth road, but what I can say is that God will be in control of it all. Let us have our eyes opened to the importance of prayer when it comes to our lives, whether it be the little things, or the big things. We need to be the change this country so desperately needs, and as Christians we need to bring Christ back into our government and our communities. Think about the choices you make and how they affect the people around you, be it positive or negative.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Married Life
Hey all!!
I know, I have been rather lax as of late on my blogging, but I'm back. I assure you that I will TRY to be a little more faithful about updating you on our lives. With that being said I have a few thoughts to share with you!
Next week will mark eight months of being married, and I have learned a lot about my spouse in this time! Most of it is good learning, but of course when you live with a person there are little things that annoy you about the other! For example, David has this annoying habit of letting his clothing drop where ever he sees fit! It drives me nuts!! Before getting married I would do pretty much the same thing, however I contained my mess to the bathroom and my bedroom. David however leaves his clothing laying everywhere from the laundry room floor (on a lucky day!) to the kitchen floor. Yes you read that correctly, the KITCHEN FLOOR!!!!! This of course drives me completely berserk, but I just grit me teeth and deal with it, because no matter how many times I ask him, he still does it. I just have had to learn to take it as one of the quirks about David that drives me crazy, but oddly enough I don't think I would change!
That being said, David does try really hard and I have to give him credit for this! He is all to often willing to take out the trash when I ask him. Its the one chore that when I lived on my own I HATED doing and still to this day loath with a passion! Thankfully David does it now and I don't have to deal with the smelly task! He also helps keep the laundry going and walks the dogs in the evening. Though it doesn't sound like a lot, I take pride in doing the house work and actually enjoy the task of caring for our home. (Surprise Mom and Dad! Bet you never thought you would hear me say that!!!!)
David and I have also had a rough few months of marriage as well. Not to say that it was rough for us in a negative way, just that we have had to learn how to manage money a little differently than we did when we were single. Now instead of making a purchase because we "need" something, we are consulting each other every time we spend even so much as a penny. Its a good practice and helps us from spending money on things that aren't necessarily important.
Our bond has grown stronger as well. I cherish every moment I get to spend time with David and I enjoy the simple pleasures of married life, like sitting together on the couch to watch a movie. :-) We laugh often together and his silly sense of humor helps when we are both stressed and need a few minutes to unwind. We of course also love spending time with our dogs and do so on a nightly basis. For now they are our children and we enjoy every minute with them! :-) As silly as it sounds we love them and view them as a part of our family, doing everything we can to provide for them. :-)
All in all I have to say that married life is definitely for me! I have chosen a partner whom I can rely on for support, friendship and unconditional love. David is truly a blessing and I would not choose anyone but him to keep for the rest of my life! :-)
I know, I have been rather lax as of late on my blogging, but I'm back. I assure you that I will TRY to be a little more faithful about updating you on our lives. With that being said I have a few thoughts to share with you!
Next week will mark eight months of being married, and I have learned a lot about my spouse in this time! Most of it is good learning, but of course when you live with a person there are little things that annoy you about the other! For example, David has this annoying habit of letting his clothing drop where ever he sees fit! It drives me nuts!! Before getting married I would do pretty much the same thing, however I contained my mess to the bathroom and my bedroom. David however leaves his clothing laying everywhere from the laundry room floor (on a lucky day!) to the kitchen floor. Yes you read that correctly, the KITCHEN FLOOR!!!!! This of course drives me completely berserk, but I just grit me teeth and deal with it, because no matter how many times I ask him, he still does it. I just have had to learn to take it as one of the quirks about David that drives me crazy, but oddly enough I don't think I would change!
That being said, David does try really hard and I have to give him credit for this! He is all to often willing to take out the trash when I ask him. Its the one chore that when I lived on my own I HATED doing and still to this day loath with a passion! Thankfully David does it now and I don't have to deal with the smelly task! He also helps keep the laundry going and walks the dogs in the evening. Though it doesn't sound like a lot, I take pride in doing the house work and actually enjoy the task of caring for our home. (Surprise Mom and Dad! Bet you never thought you would hear me say that!!!!)
David and I have also had a rough few months of marriage as well. Not to say that it was rough for us in a negative way, just that we have had to learn how to manage money a little differently than we did when we were single. Now instead of making a purchase because we "need" something, we are consulting each other every time we spend even so much as a penny. Its a good practice and helps us from spending money on things that aren't necessarily important.
Our bond has grown stronger as well. I cherish every moment I get to spend time with David and I enjoy the simple pleasures of married life, like sitting together on the couch to watch a movie. :-) We laugh often together and his silly sense of humor helps when we are both stressed and need a few minutes to unwind. We of course also love spending time with our dogs and do so on a nightly basis. For now they are our children and we enjoy every minute with them! :-) As silly as it sounds we love them and view them as a part of our family, doing everything we can to provide for them. :-)
All in all I have to say that married life is definitely for me! I have chosen a partner whom I can rely on for support, friendship and unconditional love. David is truly a blessing and I would not choose anyone but him to keep for the rest of my life! :-)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Late Night Ponderings
Friends and Family,
Life has been somewhat difficult in the following month since moving to our apartment. To no avail I have been attempting to control attacks of anxiety and depression that have plagued me almost daily until about two weeks ago. I have struggled to complete the most mundane of tasks; washing dishes was a nightmare, laundry: forget about it, and sleep seemed to elude me. Nothing I tried helped, often times I would find myself crawling into bed at 4 or 5 in the morning only to rise a few hours later for the work day or to spend a small amount of time with my husband before he headed to work for the day. Night time has been both my friend and my enemy.
Two weeks ago today I had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever suffered, leaving my husband to cope with a spouse that could not be consoled no matter what he did. I felt it coming all day long and prayed with everything in me that it would be done and gone before David returned home for the day after working. I wanted so desperately for him to be away so that he would not witness the uncontrolled crying that occurs. Thankfully however he was home and his presence was, even in the most tumultuous of moments, helpful. He embraced me when I needed a hug, brought me water and even attempted to help slow my breathing with a paper bag. I can only thank God for the support he offered me when I wanted it the least.
The next morning I was scheduled to see a doctor for some stomach issues I have been struggling with (mostly due to the anxiety) and I asked about what he could possibly do to help me with the depression and anxiety. That was simply a bust and the doctor would not listen to me as I listed off my medical history. He refused to treat my PCOS in a manner that would be helpful and instead chose to test me for diabetes; knowing full well that I was not a diabetic I agreed anyway hoping he would see my slightly elevated blood glucose level and help me to treat my PCOS in an appropriate manner. Oh well, all I can say is that Doctor Kim was a quack and wouldn't listen. All he did was preach about my weight!
I called my parents and spoke with them about what had been happening over the last several days and the fragile emotional state I had been in. Thank GOD that my mom and dad offered to help me by getting the right treatment so that I could see a doctor and begin treating my anxiety and depression (that I should also mention is directly related to my PCOS) in an appropriate manner. I can honestly say now that thanks to the medication the doctor perscribed (thankfully on the discount med list!) has been doing wonders and I am finally starting to feel like myself again.
One thing I am learning through this experience is that sometimes you have to swallow your pride and ask for help. Thats what family and friends are for. I know its embarrassing, but its certainly a humbling thing for me as well. That being said I am also learning to finally come to terms with the fact that I suffer from a disease that I will have to manage all of my life. Its not fair, and its not fun, but God only gives us what we can handle and I truly believe that he has placed the right people in my life to help me cope with the uncertainty this disease holds. Maybe one day they will find a cure for PCOS and depression and we'll all be in a better state, but until then, I have to do my part to stay well and to manage the disease the best that I can. I need to educate myself as much as possible on the disease and how I can manage it in a way that will have as little as possible impact on my spouse and eventually our children.
I love you all and I thank you from the depths of my heart for your love and support over the last seven months. Your thoughts and prayers are heard and felt! We ask that you continue to pray for us as we grow and face challenges. Pray that God will continue to strengthen our marriage and that David and I do our best to do his will. We pray that we can love like Christ loved his church.
Sending you all hugs and kisses!
Sarah, David, Lucy and Odin
Life has been somewhat difficult in the following month since moving to our apartment. To no avail I have been attempting to control attacks of anxiety and depression that have plagued me almost daily until about two weeks ago. I have struggled to complete the most mundane of tasks; washing dishes was a nightmare, laundry: forget about it, and sleep seemed to elude me. Nothing I tried helped, often times I would find myself crawling into bed at 4 or 5 in the morning only to rise a few hours later for the work day or to spend a small amount of time with my husband before he headed to work for the day. Night time has been both my friend and my enemy.
Two weeks ago today I had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever suffered, leaving my husband to cope with a spouse that could not be consoled no matter what he did. I felt it coming all day long and prayed with everything in me that it would be done and gone before David returned home for the day after working. I wanted so desperately for him to be away so that he would not witness the uncontrolled crying that occurs. Thankfully however he was home and his presence was, even in the most tumultuous of moments, helpful. He embraced me when I needed a hug, brought me water and even attempted to help slow my breathing with a paper bag. I can only thank God for the support he offered me when I wanted it the least.
The next morning I was scheduled to see a doctor for some stomach issues I have been struggling with (mostly due to the anxiety) and I asked about what he could possibly do to help me with the depression and anxiety. That was simply a bust and the doctor would not listen to me as I listed off my medical history. He refused to treat my PCOS in a manner that would be helpful and instead chose to test me for diabetes; knowing full well that I was not a diabetic I agreed anyway hoping he would see my slightly elevated blood glucose level and help me to treat my PCOS in an appropriate manner. Oh well, all I can say is that Doctor Kim was a quack and wouldn't listen. All he did was preach about my weight!
I called my parents and spoke with them about what had been happening over the last several days and the fragile emotional state I had been in. Thank GOD that my mom and dad offered to help me by getting the right treatment so that I could see a doctor and begin treating my anxiety and depression (that I should also mention is directly related to my PCOS) in an appropriate manner. I can honestly say now that thanks to the medication the doctor perscribed (thankfully on the discount med list!) has been doing wonders and I am finally starting to feel like myself again.
One thing I am learning through this experience is that sometimes you have to swallow your pride and ask for help. Thats what family and friends are for. I know its embarrassing, but its certainly a humbling thing for me as well. That being said I am also learning to finally come to terms with the fact that I suffer from a disease that I will have to manage all of my life. Its not fair, and its not fun, but God only gives us what we can handle and I truly believe that he has placed the right people in my life to help me cope with the uncertainty this disease holds. Maybe one day they will find a cure for PCOS and depression and we'll all be in a better state, but until then, I have to do my part to stay well and to manage the disease the best that I can. I need to educate myself as much as possible on the disease and how I can manage it in a way that will have as little as possible impact on my spouse and eventually our children.
I love you all and I thank you from the depths of my heart for your love and support over the last seven months. Your thoughts and prayers are heard and felt! We ask that you continue to pray for us as we grow and face challenges. Pray that God will continue to strengthen our marriage and that David and I do our best to do his will. We pray that we can love like Christ loved his church.
Sending you all hugs and kisses!
Sarah, David, Lucy and Odin
Sunday, January 24, 2010
God's Many Blessings
Hello Friends and Family!
Its been a while! I have a lot to update you on!! :-)
David and I have both been busy working and spending time together when we can! Of course lately our schedules have been what seems like the opposite of each other and there has not been a lot of time together. The good news is we have been able to have someone here with the dogs at almost all times. Its nice to know they are getting the extra attention.
Life has been largely uneventful over the last few weeks until Thursday evening. All I can say is wow!! God has been so good to us and I truly can't complain! :-) We decided to head out to Johnson that evening to check David's mailbox on campus. We were expecting a piece of mail to arrive there and upon our checking the mail box we found a nearly $800 check from the school to David! We were thrilled to know we were going to have some extra money!! We immediately left the school and headed home.
Of course our blessings only got bigger from there! :-) While driving home just a little bit North of the school a tree fell right in front of us! I saw it falling out of the corner of my eye and David did not have enough time to react with the car. We just bumped right over it! If we had been driving any faster it would have smashed into the back of our car! If we would have been driving any slower we would have most likely hit it! We have no explanation as to how we made it over the tree. Simply put we believe the Lord intervened on our behalf! We checked the car and nothing was wrong with it! Just a slight scratch on the front bumper! We both were laughing and couldn't help but say to each other "Did that just happen?!"
The blessings don't stop there! Since returning home from Christmas I have been sick off and on for the entire month of January. During the whole time I have had a nasty cough that would not go away! It was annoying at best and painful. My ribs and whole body were achy and I felt terrible! I finally had enough on Friday when the cough hit its peak. My ears were hurting and my nose was stuffed up. I called David and I went to the doctor to find out I had a double ear infection, sinus infection and Bronchitis! (Thank God we had the extra money since we don't have health insurance!) Sure explained why I had been feeling so crummy!!
Of course I also received good news from my grandmother yesterday! Her cancer is dormant for the time being and we are praying that it stays that way! Thank you all for your many prayers and concerns!! :-) They have been answered! We don't know how long the cancer will stay quiet and we can only pray that it is for a long time, but we know God has been faithful in caring for my grandmother so far and pray he continues to do so!
Like I said, its been a God filled week! :-) David also has received more hours at work, something we have been asking you guys to pray for! Please pray this continues, as it has been ever so helpful to have the extra income! :-) Please also pray for the people of Haiti! This is such a tragic event and my heart aches for the people of this small country! They covet our prayers and our help!
Its been a while! I have a lot to update you on!! :-)
David and I have both been busy working and spending time together when we can! Of course lately our schedules have been what seems like the opposite of each other and there has not been a lot of time together. The good news is we have been able to have someone here with the dogs at almost all times. Its nice to know they are getting the extra attention.
Life has been largely uneventful over the last few weeks until Thursday evening. All I can say is wow!! God has been so good to us and I truly can't complain! :-) We decided to head out to Johnson that evening to check David's mailbox on campus. We were expecting a piece of mail to arrive there and upon our checking the mail box we found a nearly $800 check from the school to David! We were thrilled to know we were going to have some extra money!! We immediately left the school and headed home.
Of course our blessings only got bigger from there! :-) While driving home just a little bit North of the school a tree fell right in front of us! I saw it falling out of the corner of my eye and David did not have enough time to react with the car. We just bumped right over it! If we had been driving any faster it would have smashed into the back of our car! If we would have been driving any slower we would have most likely hit it! We have no explanation as to how we made it over the tree. Simply put we believe the Lord intervened on our behalf! We checked the car and nothing was wrong with it! Just a slight scratch on the front bumper! We both were laughing and couldn't help but say to each other "Did that just happen?!"
The blessings don't stop there! Since returning home from Christmas I have been sick off and on for the entire month of January. During the whole time I have had a nasty cough that would not go away! It was annoying at best and painful. My ribs and whole body were achy and I felt terrible! I finally had enough on Friday when the cough hit its peak. My ears were hurting and my nose was stuffed up. I called David and I went to the doctor to find out I had a double ear infection, sinus infection and Bronchitis! (Thank God we had the extra money since we don't have health insurance!) Sure explained why I had been feeling so crummy!!
Of course I also received good news from my grandmother yesterday! Her cancer is dormant for the time being and we are praying that it stays that way! Thank you all for your many prayers and concerns!! :-) They have been answered! We don't know how long the cancer will stay quiet and we can only pray that it is for a long time, but we know God has been faithful in caring for my grandmother so far and pray he continues to do so!
Like I said, its been a God filled week! :-) David also has received more hours at work, something we have been asking you guys to pray for! Please pray this continues, as it has been ever so helpful to have the extra income! :-) Please also pray for the people of Haiti! This is such a tragic event and my heart aches for the people of this small country! They covet our prayers and our help!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Happy New Year!!!
Well friends, 2009 has officially ended. I know, I know, I'm a bit late on the post concerning the start of 2010, but life keeps you busy!! I spent the last night of 2009 ringing in the new year with a few close friends (and by few, I mean like 14!!) at my brother-in-law's apartment off of Papermill in Knoxville. It was an enjoyable evening of chatting, watching the ball drop and fellowship. :-)
Of course as with the ending of each year and the beginning of another year in my life, I spent some time reflecting on 2009. This year has been FULL of ups and downs! Everything from moving, to marriage, to illness, and new friendships has been covered through the year! 2009 was a generally positive year, however it did have its low points, as with every year. Some years are rather nondescript as others are more "action" packed!
I must admit that though 2009 was full of life changing events, I much prefer the years where nothing huge happens! Don't get me wrong, getting married was certainly the highlight of my year, but I much prefer the quiet life. Perhaps its maturity, or I really am turning into my parents, but I find the peace and quiet much more enjoyable that I once did!
Of course as with the ending of each year and the beginning of another year in my life, I spent some time reflecting on 2009. This year has been FULL of ups and downs! Everything from moving, to marriage, to illness, and new friendships has been covered through the year! 2009 was a generally positive year, however it did have its low points, as with every year. Some years are rather nondescript as others are more "action" packed!
I must admit that though 2009 was full of life changing events, I much prefer the years where nothing huge happens! Don't get me wrong, getting married was certainly the highlight of my year, but I much prefer the quiet life. Perhaps its maturity, or I really am turning into my parents, but I find the peace and quiet much more enjoyable that I once did!
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